If Eddie Murphy’s cocked eyebrow could speak, it would say ________.

[Image via People.]

Kelly Brook put on a new bikini and enjoyed some more of her St. Barts vacation with boyfriend Billy Zane yesterday. But apparently Kelly’s idea of a good time is cramming sand down Billy’s crotch, according to the Daily Mail:

Instead it was all good clean fun as Kelly took great delight shoving handfuls of wet sand inside Billy’s loose-fitting swimming shorts while he looked on somewhat bemused.

If I were Billy Zane, I’d look on bemusingly as well, if that were a word. By all normal laws of science he should be cleaning shoes at the bowling alley. Instead he’s got a busty British actress girlfriend that, yeah, maybe puts sand on his nads. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Very itchy sacrifices that will totally chafe afterwards. I should know. I dated a sandcastle artist once. My taint still feels like the Sahara.

“Amy Winehouse to renew wedding vows…in jail!

Where there’s a Wino, there’s a way. CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline!

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

AMY WINEHOUSE TO RENEW WEDDING VOWS

Singer hopes it will boost hubby Blake Fielder-Civil’s spirits

Amy Winehouse plans to renew her wedding vows with Blake Fielder-Civil in prison.

The singer, 24, only married 8 months ago but reckons it will boost the 25-year-old’s spirits while he’s held at London’s Pentonville Prison.

Blake faces allegations of attempting to pervert the course of justice and a separate GBH offence.

‘When Blake was first arrested, they both declared their undying love and promised each other it would be good to renew their vows,’ a source tells the Daily Star.

‘And the time feels right to do that now. They are missing each other terribly.

‘Amy wants them to repeat the same vows they took when they married in Miami last May.’

Amy is currently holidaying at rocker Bryan Adams’ villa on the Caribbean island of Mustique.

The service is expected to take place on Friday, when Amy visits her spouse in jail.

Flynet

In case you couldn’t tell, it’s Bikini Day on The Superficial. Our next contestant is Kim Kardashian’s older sister Kourtney who was spotted at South Beach yesterday with her boyfriend Guy That Should Be Me. Well, at least I thought it should be me until I foolishly stopped looking at her chest. I caught a glimpse at Kourtney’s chipmunk teeth, and I think my penis just screamed a little.

The first Name That Celebrity of 2008 is a real doozy. There’s no way you’re getting this one! Ass cracks aren’t as distinctive as you might think. In fact, it’s actually really hard to tell a famous ass crack from a civilian ass crack. Not without first analyzing their respective stools, anyway. The way I hear it, celebrity shit doesn’t stink and is made from the finest 24 karat gold. Fun fact: this particular celebrity ass crack boasts an anus bleached white as the driven snow. Hope that helps!

Take a crack at it, then find out the celebrity after the jump.

(more…)

Share This

Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline partied together in Vegas this weekend. Yeah, go ahead and absorb that for a minute. People says they spent the night together in Paris’ room. PageSix.com says they didn’t. I bet he did. I mean, how could Kevin resist Paris climbing over furniture like a drunken Spider-man? That’s just erotic. Could you imagine if he knocked her up? I did. It took the fire department five hours to talk me down off a ledge. Then they gave me a ride on the fire engine to a strip club. Okay, maybe I sort of jumped off the back when no one was looking.

The rumors have been around since at least September, but now Hayden Panettiere have escalated their relationship up another level.

Though they have denied being a couple, People magazine is now reporting that the Heroes costars are dating.

And if People is reporting it, then it must be true! Hayden’s publicist probably confirmed the story off-the-record!

“Hayden’s mom adores Milo. She thinks he’s so cute,” a family friend tells the magazine. “She tells her friends that he’s her boyfriend. She’s very proud.”

We’re sure Lesley’s all over it! The fact that Hayden is 18 and Milo is 30 probably doesn’t bother mommy one bit!

On a December trip to New York City, Ventimiglia hung out with the entire Panettiere family. “He’s even met her grandparents. He fits in perfectly with the family. Milo jokes around with her little brother,” says the source. “They’re buddies.”

When the couple are together, “they’re very affectionate and very comfortable around each other. He really takes care of her, even down to the little things like giving her a back massage and going with her to work.”

“They’re not afraid to show their affection around her family and their friends,” says the friend.

We’re already praying to the Gossip Gods that Hayden ends up pregnant and dumped by Milo next year.

How hot would that be????

Flynet

• Hurlyburly - The Restaurant Dispute [YouTube]

Lindsay Lohan is getting an award!

No, she’s not getting a prize for most trips to rehab in 2007. Instead, she’s being honored for her work. Ha!

The actress is being recognized by the Capri Film Festival and on Friday (above) she was spotted in Capri, roaming the streets - shopping and shit.

“It is indeed an honor to have Lindsay Lohan at Capri, Hollywood,” said Festival producer Pascal Vicedomini. “We are delighted to recognize her talent as a performing artist, as well as her position as an icon in the world of entertainment.”

They couldn’t get anybody else to show up????

Lindsay’s not a bad actress, but she’s only 21. You shouldn’t be honoring her at a film festival just yet!

[Photo via Getty Images.]