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Tara Reid’s bra is a master of illusion

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Tara Reid went on a harbor cruise from the Finger Wharf in Woolloomooloo in Sydney. I’m going to leave that sentence alone. Anyway, I’m always astounded when Tara Reid’s cleavage looks unreasonably decent instead of the hellish nightmare it truly is. But I still wouldn’t walk around with a face that says “Oh yeah, I’d hit that.” Which is clearly what the guy behind her is doing. May I suggest a safer alternative to rest your penis while in Australia, sir? Like the mouth of a crocodile. Or underneath the foot of a kangaroo.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

Come on!

Really???

In a transparent bid for attention, Tara Reid went shopping on Black Friday at the shops on Robertson Blvd., aka paparazzi central.

Jennifer Love Hewitt must be out of town! They could have gone shopping together!

P.S. If you know you’re going to be photographed, wouldn’t you want to put in a little effort into your appearance????

[Image via WENN.]

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Tara Reid is still alive, cleavagey

Friday, October 19th, 2007

Tara Reid showed up for the premiere of “Reservation Road” in Beverly Hills last night. She actually looks sort of hot. Which is weird, I know. Underneath all that inexplicable hotness is a sordid tale of plastic surgery gone horribly wrong. But, yet, she looks decent. My penis is so confused right now. He’s just staring out the window, letting out the occasional sigh. Nothing makes sense to him anymore. I tried to get him to go lift up cars like we do every Friday, but he just turned to me and said, “What’s the point? When we’re done, Tara Reid will still be do-able.” *sigh*

Photos: Getty Images

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Tara Reid Italy bikini pictures

Friday, August 10th, 2007

Everybody’s favorite plastic surgery experiment, Tara Reid, was spotted on a yacht in Italy dressed like some sort of gypsy. Her stomach actually looks alright now, but her ass. Wow. This thing defies description. I’ve never seen an ass take quite those shapes before. It’s like somebody took out her butt and replaced it with ground hamburger meat. If you showed me just a picture it, I’d guess it was a dinosaur before I guessed it was a human ass.

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At Least Her Tits Look Better

Wednesday, December 27th, 2006

Tara Reid shows off her wonky stomach - so unfortunate - on the beach in St. Barths on Tuesday. Hey, baby steps. Let’s hope there’s not vodka in her water bottle!