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· The Strike - Week 2: Bring Your Kids to the Strike Day; the Empire strikes back; what the AMPTP isn’t telling you (anymore); Picketing with the Stars; and what of the assistants?; Strike Dancing Fever!; a diaper-wearing star is born; hatin’ on tiny-penis havers; munching on flatulence; Not The Daily Show; Gays gay-up the strike gaily; “Wha’chu talkin’ ’bout, Counter?”; the 93-year-old striker is almost as cute as the baby; a world without patter.
· Kissing Kirk Douglas.
· Sharon Stone clearly has had some work done.
· It’s beginning to feel a lot like fake Christmas.
· All roads in the sad death of Donda West lead to this dude.
· The Week in Sexiest Men Who Are Still Breathing: Matt Damon wins! No–the Conchords win. Wait. No. Dwight Schrute wins.
· Why do bad things happen to good Ellens?
· In Runway, sometimes you’re thin, and sometimes you’re out.
· Correction: Paris thinks elephants should be able to get drunk if they want to.
· Rolling out Dick Clark for another Rockin’ Eve.
· Little-known Spider-Man facts: Hails from Mississauga, Ontario, wears no foundation garments.
· Come on a Hooker Safari with us.
· If only O.J. Simpson would shut up about beer-making and let you enjoy your copy of Sky.
· Lindsay does her hour-and-a-half, and it’s all good.

A new trailer for Cloverfield (now officially its inscrutable title!), the JJ Abrams-produced monster movie whose secrets are being guarded as ruthlessly guarded as those of the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel that has already destroyed two lives, has “mysteriously” been “leaked” onto the internets in advance of its debut before screenings of Beowulf this weekend.The quality of the footage is, to be charitable, shitty; still, that won’t stop fans desperate to devour any morsel they allegedly aren’t supposed to be gobbling down until tomorrow from scouring the video frame by frame, hoping that somewhere in those blurry shadows lies the utterly terrifying truth about the nature of the cinematic beast Abrams and company will unleash up on the world in January.

• Full CLOVERFIELD trailer (new!!) [YouTube via Gone Elsewhere]

Congratulations are in order for actress/scenester/pre-achievement semicelebrity Rumer Willis, who earlier today was crowned Miss Golden Globe 2008, the single highest honor the Hollywood Foreign Press Association can bestow upon the female, teenage progeny of an internationally recognizable performer whose staggering success is unlikely to be replicated by his or her pampered offspring.

Though there was nothing he could do to completely dispel the faint whiff of inevitable career shortfall that hangs over each annual coronation ceremony, HFPA president Jorge Camara did imbue the event with an extra soupcon of hope by reminding the assembled press that Willis, as a slightly rarer Double Miss Golden Globe–a product of the magical acts of star-on-star sexual congress that strengthen royal Tinseltown bloodlines too often diluted by one nonfamous gene-donor–she’ll always enjoy the added advantage of having two parents (not to mention a generous and supportive step-Kutcher) who can call in casting favors for as long as she decides to keep chasing her probably unattainable Hollywood dreams.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Rumer Willis Selected As 2008 Miss Golden Globe [HFPA.org]

As your Hollywood employer has probably decided that this Veterans Day doesn’t warrant the show of respect of a day off (strike-related layoffs notwithstanding), celebrate the sacrifices of those who’ve served our country in the most meaningful way available to you: by observing a moment of silence as you review the weekend’s box office numbers:

1. Bee Movie - $26 million
Jerry Seinfeld has performed so many acts of promotional heroism (such as staring into the cold, dead eyes of the world’s worst-prepared interviewer and emerging with his sanity intact) in trying to raise the public’s awareness of Bee Movie that we’d almost forgotten the daring stunt that kicked off his journey: that death-defying high-wire act at Cannes that easily could have ended in tragedy for either the comedian or his studio stunt-mogul had their ziplines snapped or harnesses failed, sending them to a grisly–but well-publicized–demise in front of thousands of international movie fans on that resort-town beach. After the jump, relive the historic Flight Of The World’s Richest Bumblebee:

2. American Gangster - $24.319 million
While former Harlem drug kingpin Nicky Barnes thought Cuba Gooding Jr. did the best he could with an underwritten part, he still had enough issues with his portrayal as a too-minor character in American Gangster that he decided to phone in some complaints from an undisclosed location in the witness protection program. Barnes did, however, refrain from griping that superproducer Brian Grazer couldn’t convince Universal to put up the money to get Don Cheadle for the supporting role, greatly increasing the chances of an Oscar nomination.

3. Fred Claus - $19.225 million
What happened? Reimagining a four-year old Christmastime blockbuster with a watered-down, family friendly Vince Vaughn seemed like such a no-brainer for the holiday season. Perhaps there are only so many “normal-sized person having difficulty sleeping in a tiny elf-bed” jokes the moviegoing public will pay to see.

4. Lions For Lambs - $6.71 million
We’re willing to hold off asking the uncomfortable question of whether or not Tom Cruise still qualifies as a movie star until the release of Valkyrie, as the extent of the audience’s willingness to embrace the actor while borrowing Hitler’s haircut seems like it will provide a more accurate indication of his box office viability than watching him play smarmy in a talky political drama.

8. P2 - $2.20 million
Virtually all of the garage-bound horror flick’s box office take came from within the Los Angeles city limits, where audiences were eager to relive the blood-chilling fear they’ll die in the cars that they experience each time they’re stranded inside The Grove’s Parking Structure of the Damned following an ill-considered weekend-night trip to the multiplex.

• Weekend Box Office November 8-4, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

By the time you read these words, the striking members of the WGA will have already taken their positions at the entrances of every studio lot in the city, hoping that the inspiring sight of scores of red-shirted, spindly armed picketers (unless some Teamsters decided to join the first-day mix and add some muscle to the walkout) toting eye-catching signs will inspire at least a view of their peers to turn their cars around and head home in solidarity. We begin, as has been our custom, with a round-up of strikes news, leading off with the dueling™ WGA and AMPTP statements explaining why yesterday’s last-minute talks ended in not-unexpected failure:

· At yesterday’s marathon Oh, Shit, This Strike Thing Is Really Going To Happen Tomorrow, Isn’t It? meeting, the Guild withdrew the DVD proposal the Companies called a “stumbling block” to reaching an agreement, but the studios are still making a variety of demands that would effectively establish the internet as their residual-free happy place, where they wouldn’t have to pay to stream video of theatrical product, can reuse movies and TV shows for “promotional” purposes, and have a window of free online reuse of content that “makes a mockery of any residual.” [WGA.org]

· The Companies blame their exit from yesterday’s bargaining session on the Guild’s refusal to put off the strike while they were still in last-second negotiations, a situation so frustrating that AMPTP president J. Nicholas Counter III was moved to issue this haiku in lieu of his usual statement: “Writers, so greedy/decided to strike, even though/talks were ongoing.” [AMPTP.org]
· If you’re looking to collect your own red t-shirt and picket sign as souvenirs of Writers Strike 2007, here’s a list of the locations where the writers will be gathered for eight hours a day until the strike ends. [WGA.org]
· Whereas Hollywood was once a place full of love and warmth, the strike has hardened the hearts of studio executives now forced to make dispassionate decisions based solely on efficiency and profitability: “It has become about cold, hard business, where everyone is going to look at all their commitments and eliminate the ones that aren’t necessary. Everyone will be reshuffling their businesses to make them run more efficiently, and it is going to happen fast and hard. That goes for studios and talent agencies.” [Variety]
· The United Hollywood blog warns its fellow writers to be mentally prepared for the psychological warfare to come, advising them not to believe the inevitable whispers that studio execs have pledged to hand each picketer a Hefty bag full of hundred dollar bills if they’ll return to work: “Expect to hear rumors that get your hopes up, only to be dashed when the truth comes out. It’s an emotional roller coaster ride intended to demoralize the troops - understand that it is merely strategy. Move on - full steam ahead.” [United Hollywood]
· Conflicted TV showrunners struggle with the reality of having to cross picket lines to perform their non-writing duties. One proffered solution: doing their editing from home, eliminating the need to drive on to the picketed lots. [THR]
· Network and studio execs would like writers to know that if they don’t come to their senses and drop this silly strike business, they may have no choice but to scrap most of pilot season. [Variety]

Today’s Variety offers a cornucopia of eye-popping advertisements meant to catch the attention of American Film Market buyers looking to find a B-lister-starring, low-budget diamond in the rough (David Boreanaz in Ghost Writer! Patrick Swayze’s Jump! Treasure Raiders, with David Carradine! ) they can polish up for audiences hungry for any entertainment product featuring a semi-recognizable Hollywood name. But not even ads for fading actors’ desperation projects leap from the trade paper’s pages as memorably as the one for Norwegian import Kill Bujlo, featuring a poster (click the image for a larger version) that seems to promise a protagonist who will engage in the kind of goat-raping, sword-slashing adventures that will combine the best of Quentin Tarantino and Sacha Baron Cohen’s provocative oeuvres. Get out those checkbooks before some other distributor desperate for post-strike product can rush it into as many as five domestic movie theaters before kicking off a lucrative home video run.

[Ad via Digital Variety]

• Kill Buljo [IMDb]

The big day that everyone in Hollywood has been anticipating with a mixture of dread, fear and, well, a deeper kind of dread that chills to the very bone is finally here. At midnight tonight, the Writers Guild’s contract with the studios expires, a development that could quickly lead to the potentially catastrophic strike that’s been looming™ since the moment the expiring deal was signed. So where do things stand on Grab Your Ankles And Pray It Won’t Hurt Too Much Day? A round-up:

· Following yesterday’s negotiating session, the WGA released this not-very-encouraging statement: “Today’s negotiations began at 10:00 AM. No significant progress was made. At 4:30 PM, we informed the AMPTP that we would prepare a comprehensive package proposal for their review today. At 6:45 PM, we told them the proposal would be ready in 15 minutes. Management negotiators responded by saying they preferred to leave for the day and hear our proposal tomorrow, the expiration date of our contract.” In fairness to the AMPTP, it’s easier to look your adversaries in the eye and say, “Fuck you, you’ll all be replaced with Final Draft plug-ins by the end of next week,” after a full night of sleep. [WGA.org]
· Said the studios with a disappointing lack of profanity: “Both sides worked on modifications to their proposals. The Guild indicated that they were preparing a comprehensive package and would be ready to present it tomorrow. The mediator scheduled the meeting for 10 a.m. We are committed to a fair, reasonable and sensible agreement that is beneficial for everyone.

However, opportunities do not come without challenges. We will not agree to any proposals that impose unreasonable restrictions and unjustified costs. We will not ignore the challenges of today’s economic realities, the shifts in audience taste and viewing habits and the unpredictability of still-evolving technology.” [AMPTP.org]
· But good news, sort of! The Guild may not walk out on Friday morning following the general meeting they’ve called for Thursday night, possibly delaying a strike “until next week at the earliest.” This means that you can spend your weekend feeling queasy from the profoundly depressing possibility of a strike instead of the disturbing reality of one in progress. [Variety]
· A “highly placed insider” psychoanalyzes the typical, unemployed WGA member, who just needs to lash out to feel something again: “In my mind, it always comes down to the fact that most of the membership doesn’t work anyway, and they get to be just the same as everybody else for a day or a week or a month or more if there’s a strike. They get to walk a picket line and vent their anger.” [THR]
· TV screens “will not go black,” but you’ll quickly wish they would. Without Guild scribes to write their jokes, David Letterman and Jay Leno will begin each show by collapsing into the fetal position for the usual duration of their monologues rather than try to deliver unscripted observations on the day’s news. Other unpleasant possible effects of a strike: Repeats, more reality TV, rampant layoffs, the overcrowding of coffee shops, a local increased incidence of prostate cancer, famine, war, pestilence, and death. [Variety]
· And what might next Fall’s TV season look like if a strike drags on too long? Brad Grey’s Anatomy, Thursday nights on ABC. Would that really be so bad? [Past Deadline]
· Studios have had plenty of time to ensure that they won’t be caught with their pants around their ankles in the event of a walkout, at least on the features side: “For now, it’s a television strike, not a movie strike. Everybody has done their films for 2008 and part of 2009. It would need a very long strike, six or seven months, to have an impact.” [Variety]
· No matter what happens, remember this: If you believe in the magic of your dreams, one day the streets our strike-ravaged town will once again be filled with gamboling unicorns, and its wildfire-darkened skies with beautiful rainbows. [Unicornsunited.com]

· Defamer videographer Molly goes deep inside slow news day victim Barbara Walters’ beef with her TMZ TV tormentors, stringing together the show’s speech-impediment-based attack and Walters’ subsequent Airing of the Grievances on today’s The View. Enjoy the feud while it lasts!
· Brad Pitt’s publicist patiently explains that just because someone at his production company may be looking at Unambomber script doesn’t mean that he’s wandering around the office trying on hooded sweatshirts, sunglasses, and various crazy-person beards quite yet. After all, he may eventually realize that Benicio del Toro is a much more natural fit for the part.
· David Beckham will attempt to save his adopted home from the wildfires through the power of soccer.
· An angry father accuses a strip club of fraudulently lapdancing and champagne-rooming his son into $53,000 worth of charges, threatening to diminish what was obviously the greatest day of his kid’s life.

Fans of the original Escape From New York can breathe a sigh of relief, as Brett Ratner has intimated that someone else will be handling the ruination of the John Carpenter classic. We suggest that everyone now start praying that some comic book movie in desperate need of his hacky skillset will come along and make Ratner forget all about how much he loves Sinatra. [AICN]

“ghost writer Very busy executive would like to hire a writer to send emails on his behalf on personal dating websites. And do a few enails back and forth to get the ball rolling.. This person needs to know how to write in a masculine, but romantic way and at the same time create a challenge for the reader of the email” [Craigslist via And I Am Not Lying]

At least one blogger attending Natalie Portman’s recent Columbia University lecture about micro-lending wasn’t exactly blown away the actress’s appeal for debt forgiveness: “Then he showed a video featuring Natalie Portman somewhere in Africa, on top of a mountain, her knees pulled to her chest, intimately looking into the camera (as the sound person apparently knocked the mic into various objects), musing about the poor people she’d met on her journey and how they’ve taught her that exploitative micro-finance organizations like FINCA need to forgive all their loans. The real Natalie Portman in the room didn’t seem to know what to do while this video played. Sometimes she looked at the ground, sometimes at the audience, and sometimes at the screen. It would have been less awkward if she had lip-synced to herself speaking in the video. The video was short, and afterward Natalie Portman apologized for “not being as articulate as might have been expected” in it. Expected by whom?” This strikes us a little harsh, especially considering how generously Portman has given of herself lately. [I Heart Not You]

· Dear ladies of The View: Don’t feel special that James Lipton shared his French pimp story with you. He’ll blab on and on about it to any talk show host he thinks can help him move some books. Aside to fill-in host Kassie DePaiva: Back in the day, Lipton would have turned you out so damn fast you wouldn’t know what hit you.
· We’ve been told that if you watch these Harry Potter-inspired videos and animations, Naked Dumbledore makes an appearance. Do with this information what you will.
· RIP Peter “The Stomach” Hume, onetime Meatballs competitive hot dog eater.
· Pregnancy is really agreeing with Halle Berry. Or at least with parts of her.

Look, it’s not a gay wizard, but it’s the best we could come up with on such short notice: A very special “Gays Around the World”-themed episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show featured as its guest of honor Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla, the famed Indian prince disowned by his family after outing himself to a shocked nation so anti-gay, they still refuse to speak to those albino Bengal tigers who ran off with Siegfried & Roy a decade ago. Rocking a Punjab-fabulous fuchsia headwrap, Gohil candidly discussed the nitty-gritty of arranged sham marriages, including the Royal Headache that suddenly rendered him impotent on his wedding night. Stumped trick-or-treaters: We believe we’ve found your costume.

• www2.oprah.com

· Hollywood StrikeWatch: The lessons of 1988. The studios rattle their sabers with one hand, then produce a giant bouquet with the other. Is it just us, or do the writers totally get the bum end of the deal in this tug-of-pencil-war? Taking the appropriate, assistant-fucking measures.
· IggyGate: Ellen DeGeneres falls apart over a dog. The threatening publicist call. IggyMania grips a nation. A plea to stop the Iggy madness.
· Britney hits sock-bottom.
· The Passion of the Grazer.
· Barry Sonnenfeld steals the show at the HRTS luncheon.
· Defamer hits the High Times Stony Awards green carpet.
· Gettin’ Awkward with Martha: Joey Pants’s secret ingredient is pain. A Symphony in Crotch-Major.
· Step 13: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of the engorged contents of some guy’s pants in a stairwell.
· “We’d rather smother ourselves in a vat of hot kettle corn that see Jorja leave CSI!“
· Frankly, we have no idea what the Kid Nation revolutionaries find so terrifying about lovable Michael Jackson.
· Brokeback 2: The Mountaining.
· This is the dawning of the Age of the Wondershitter, but we doubt that news has yet reached The Phantom Pooper.
· FBI agents raid David Copperfield’s warehouse, discover a fighter jet and the Statue of Liberty.

· James Lipton: actor, writer, academic, talk show host, raconteur, French pimp. Excuse us: American pimp living in France. Truly, there is nothing this man cannot do. [NBC.com]
· If this is how the reunited Van Halen is going to sound, we may not bankrupt ourselves buying scalped tickets to the Staples Center show after all.
· The Birds star Tippi Hedren decries Hollywood’s inability to generate new ideas.
· There are dozens of dogs in this insane Halloween slideshow, yet not a single one is wearing a Lindsay Lohan costume. Amateurs, the lot of them!
· Tripadvisor can help you plan your stay at the number one beet-related agrotourism destination in Northeastern Pennsylvania.