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Jenna Jameson posed nude for a new PETA ad encouraging pet owners to get their animals fixed. Apparently, when we're not around, our furry friends are sex-craved maniacs who constantly get their Discovery Channel on. This explains why my cat bought a jacuzzi... Anyway, here's some advice from a porn star:

"Until dogs and cats can go on the pill or wear condoms, we need to help them practice safe sex—by spaying and neutering," says Jenna. "Millions of homeless animals are turned in to shelters every year because there simply aren’t enough good homes for them all. The answer is as easy as ABC: Animal Birth Control, which means get your Fido or Fluffy fixed!"

I don't think PETA thought Jenna's ad through. Not only am I too tired from masturbating researching animal stuff to take my cat to the vet, but I'm pretty sure he's not getting fed either. And, on that note, nap time. NOTE: Included Olympic simmer Amanda Beard's nude PETA ad because what can I say? I love animals. They make awesome friends or the perfect snack. Go for the gold, Amanda. U.S.A.!

Jenna Jameson attended the premiere of The Bucket List in L.A. Afterwards she hit up Club Hyde where she signed autographs for fans before heading home. That’s all well and good, but I can’t get over how sexy her legs are. Her tattoos blend right in with the varicose veins. It’s like something out of a dream where you’re making love to a decaying mummy. But the mummy has lots of makeup and breast implants, so it’s a really romantic dream that you can tell your girlfriend about over breakfast.

We ended yesterday with a set of fake knockers courtesy of Victoria Beckham, so why not start the day with another pair? That’s just smart journalism. This morning’s rack is courtesy of Jenna Jameson Queen of the Duck-people. I’m not saying she had a lot of collagen injected. I’m just saying I could probably set up patio furniture on her upper lip – and an above-ground pool.

Edit: Alright, alright, I may have gotten an estimate for a barbecue pit. It’ll fit nicely by the basketball court and helipad. Or should I put it next to the outdoor amphitheater?

Jenna Jameson has apparently decided to retire from making porn, and on August 1 she went to a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and had her breast implants removed. Us Magazine has the interview:

On why she had her implants removed
“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”

On how removing the implants changed her
“Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

On how she felt postsurgery
“Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”

On whether she’s done with porn forever
“Yes. A hundred percent.”

On who will play her in a movie about her life
“I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”

Wow, look at that face. I can’t imagine why she would stop making porn. When I close my eyes to fantasize this is basically the only thing I ever picture. And, yeah, maybe I do wake up to the sounds of my own screaming, but that just means it’s working. What’s working, you ask? The sexy, uh, sex stuff. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a grownup thing.

NOTE: While getting her implants removed, I think Jenna Jameson turned to her plastic surgeon and asked him to make her look like a duck. And boy did he deliver. Greatest plastic surgeon of our generation, anybody?

You know what’s normal behavior for a skeleton? Being buried. Or maybe getting hung up in a classroom. But not running around the beach doing whatever it is Jenna Jameson is doing here. And what the hell happened to her face? She’s a duck, right? She’s a duck now? Like to communicate with her you have to quack and maybe flap your arms?