Archive for the 'DUI' Category



Kiefer Sutherland starts his jail sentence


h1 Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

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Kiefer Sutherland was officially booked this evening at the Glendale City Jail. He is to serve a 48-day sentence stemming from a September arrest for DUI. He petitioned the judge to allow him to serve in city jail instead of the infamous Twin Towers county facility where “jailers can’t guarantee the safety of high-profile inmates.” Kiefer was scheduled to start his sentence on his birthday December 21 which is when 24 begins its Christmas hiatus. Due to the writers strike, Kiefer decided to surrender early. TMZ reports:

TMZ spoke with Glendale Police Chief Randy Adams, who said Kiefer will be treated “just like anyone else,” adding, “The fact that he’s a celebrity — he checked that at the door when he checked in.” Chief Adams said Sutherland will perform laundry and kitchen duties and will serve the entire 48 days consecutively. The Chief said Kiefer will not share a cell, but that is S.O.P. in Glendeezy because all “long term inmates” get their own digs.

Hold on a minute. They’re going to make Kiefer Sutherland do laundry and kitchen duties? Maybe he should’ve gone with county prison. I know if I had a choice between doing the thankless chores God wants my wife to do or taking a shiv to the gut during a prison riot, I’d choose the shiv. A man should only do the dishes and laundry in college which is why I used paper plates and wore trash bags for shirts. I made those Hefty’s look hot.

Kiefer Sutherland arrested for DUI


h1 Tuesday, September 25th, 2007


Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for suspicion of DUI last night. He was stopped for making an illegal U-turn and failed a breathalyzer test. This is the actor’s second DUI since 2004, and he could face jail time, according to TMZ:

In November, 2004, Kiefer was popped for driving with a .22 blood alcohol level, and plead no contest to drunk driving. He was placed on 5 years probation. That means if he’s convicted on this morning’s DUI, he will have violated his probation.
Now here’s where the news gets worse: Guess who the judge was in the 2004 case? That would be Judge Michael Sauer, the guy who threw the book at Paris Hilton for violating her probation.

Alright, Kiefer, buddy, it’s cool. I know how to keep you out of jail. You need to get knocked up. Yep, that’s right. You need to put a bun in that oven. I don’t want to know how, just make it happen. I guarantee you’ll be in prison for no more than 80 minutes. They won’t even lock the cell. So, get cracking, Jack Bauer. I’ve seen you disarm a bomb with your teeth. Defying the basic laws of nature should be a piece of cake. I should say a piece of lactating cake with severe mood swings, but you catch my drift.