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Poor Britney from one mishap to another misfortune.

Her life is in a constant state of free-fall!

Celeb TV is reporting that Spears’ new manager, Jeff Kwatinetz of The Firm, dumped her as a client on Monday.

Why? Due to her recent erratic behavior.

She is unmanageable!

A source close to Britney’s camp says the change in management may affect the scheduled November 13th release of her new album.

First her lawyer dropped her Monday morning and then her manager bailed Monday afternoon.

Britney’s ship is most definitely sinking and everyone around her is going to dry land!

[Image via Celebrity Babylon.]

Besides swapping venereal diseases and any last traces of dignity, Britney Spears and Criss Angel were also sharing a lollipop at the opening of LAX. But there’s more to this sucker than meets the eye. (No, it’s not a Transformer. Put your pants back on.) Extra reports:

The sucker Britney was sharing is more than just a sweet treat: it’s a diet secret. Insiders tell us she recently received a shipment of Hoodia lollipops, which suppress the appetite and supply an energy boost.

In the fifth grade I had to give a report about sugar. Then about a week ago, I mixed Jagermeister with Red Bull and suddenly I was five hours into the future – without pants! So, to answer your question, yes, I am a real scientist. Anyway, if you eat nothing but sugar, you will lose weight. You will also go into diabetic shock and probably die. I want to say I’m going somewhere with this, but in retrospect nothing but good can come from this scenario. Carry on, Britney.

What a bumbass this girl is!

Sources close to Britney Spears tell us she’s thisclose to flaking on her commitment to appear at the grand opening of LAX at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas on Friday night.

Stay tuned to see if she actually makes it!

Fingers crossed, y’all.

Update: It’s not looking good!

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they’re every bit as bad as you’d expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby”

Other sources are saying the lyrics are:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby”

You can listen for yourself here, but either way it’s bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they squeezed Britney until they got her voice as high up as it is, and then pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney’s next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:

“It’s Britney, bitch”

Ooh, sassy. I don’t know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she’s got a lot of attitude. Man, I bet she also smokes and wears sunglasses indoors. She’s so cool.

NOTE: Just to be complete, here’s her third leaked song. Although it’s the same one I posted a couple weeks ago and still just as bad.

Things are not looking good for Britney Spears. Larry Rudolph, Britney’s ex-manager, spoke to Ryan Seacrest this morning and said he does not want to testify in the custody hearing for fear of what he might reveal. People reports:

“He said he’s doing his best to hide from Kevin’s process server,” Ryan Seacrest, who was in contact with Rudolph over the weekend, said Monday on his KIIS-FM radio show. “He’s actually on the run. They are trying to track him down and serve him with a subpoena and they want him to appear and testify in the custody battle.” Rudolph, who was relieved of his managerial duties by Spears earlier this year, “doesn’t want to be served because he said it won’t be good for Britney,” said Seacrest. “After all they have been through he is still loyal to her, and he doesn’t want to have to go under oath and talk about certain things that might hurt her.” Regarding his whereabouts, Rudolph would only reveal is that he is with his children. Furthermore, said Seacrest, the former manager wants it publicly known that he is avoiding being served the subpoena.

Pile this on top of the child abuse investigation and it definitely looks like Kevin Federline will win custody of the children. Not that there was any doubt. Any rational person with an IQ above, I dunno, five, had this figured out. I ran into a two-year-old the other day who looked at me and said, “Britney bad mommy.” Then the kid ate a pebble.

In case you haven’t already heard it, Ryan Seacrest played Britney Spears’ new single on his 102.7 KIISFM radio show this morning. And yeah, it’s bad. And I don’t mean, “Hey, it’s Britney Spears, let’s say her new song is bad even if it isn’t” bad. I mean, “Hey, this is really bad, how do you turn it off, and also shoot me in the face” bad. You can listen to the new single here and check out the lyrics here:

Everyday, I’m in a daze
Looking for that someone
And everyday, I sit and kneel and pray
Oh, sweet love, can I get some?
So why do you desert me, baby boy?
I need your love right now!
And if you desert me, baby boy
Don’t you leave me in your crowd

Talking
Hey baby, what time you gonna get home?
Oh, really?
[Sigh]
Alright, well, I’ll see you later, then
Oh, wait
Would you mind getting some…
Yeah, when you come home
Yeah, that’s it
I love you too
Bye

[Singing again]
Some day when you see my face
You will think that you have won
And some day when it’s all away
Our love just begun
So why did you desert me, baby boy?
I thought that you, you were the one
So if you preferred the other one
She won’t bring you the sun(son)

Did she put a fake phone conversation in there? Why yes, yes she did. I can’t believe this is actually her big comeback song. After listening to it I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out of my closet and tell me I got Punk’d.

Britney Spears’ former bodyguard/manny Daimon Shippen was served two subpoenas by Kevin Federline’s lawyer last night to testify in their ongoing custody case. If you don’t remember, Daimon is the guy who caught Sean Preston when Britney Spears tripped and almost dropped him. So yeah, I doubt he’ll have anything good to say about Britney’s parenting skills. He’ll take the stand and try to make Britney look good, but that’s impossible so he’ll just start babbling randomly instead. “She, uh, she never stabbed her kids. Definitely never stabbed them. And, uh, she never — no wait, she did that one. She, uh, she used one as a soccer ball once. Shit! No, wait. Can I start over?”

She hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, but she’s close to it!

Things have gotten worse worse WORSE for Britney Spears.

A source at the courts reveals exclusively to PerezHilton.com that Kevin Federline’s high-powered attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan (above right), was spotted walking into Department 88 of Los Angeles Superior Court on Wednesday with documents that may be K-Fed’s request for primary physical custody of his two children with the fallen pop star.

Britney will probably greet this news with a couple of Tequila shots and a night out partying on the town with her friends!

TMZ reports Britney Spears has finally come to her senses and hired proper management, grabbing Kelly Clarkson’s ex-manager Jeff Kwatinez to save her dying career. Although this guy was fired by Kelly Clarkson, so who knows how qualified he is. I guess Britney used to be managing herself, so she could’ve hired an oil painting of George Washington and it would’ve been an improvement.

It seems like Spears’ San Diego show tonight is happenning!

Britney Spears made her first public outing on Friday night since being released from rehab last week.

The recovering mother of two went to Shu-Sushi for some food and fun with friends.

Brit’s looking good better. Keep it up!

Let’s hope she doesn’t go the way of the Lohan!

You know, there might be something to those Britney suicide rumors, after all!

We had been reluctant to report on the alleged incident because we just didn’t think it was true. But, what is true is that Britney is still not in a good place, despite being in rehab.

Us Weekly is reporting that Spears is in unhappy in rehab and wants out!

What more, those close to her are “in shock at what bad shape she’s in,” says an insider.

Another source tells the almost always reliable Us Weekly that since Spears checked in to the Promises Residential Treatment Center in Malibu, California two weeks ago, the mother of two “has been getting in tons of trouble.”

The former singer has been reprimanded for making cellphone calls, has left the facility to shop, and now she wants to leave rehab for good.

“She’s convinced she’s suffering from postpartum depression and does not think she has an alcohol or drug problem,” a source tells the mag. “She’s angry at her family and her manager for pressuring her to enter the program. She feels she was ambushed.”

Poor Britney.

Get it together, girl!!!!

“[She is] a sick little girl … we’re just trying to take care of her and other than that I have no comment.”

Britney’s father, Jamie Spears, speaking Thursday from his Louisiana home to reporters

As we first told you, Britney Spears paid a visit to a lawyer in West Hollywood on Wednesday morning, wearing that dumb wig and one of Kfed’s fedoras.

She’s probably high as a kite!

Instead of visiting a lawyer’s office, we pray Britney visits a psychiatrist. SOON.

Image via celebritybabylon.com.