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Keira Knightley posed “topless” for the latest issue of Interview magazine. She’s definitely soft on the eyes, though a bit too thin for my taste. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not into tying a rock to my lover so she doesn’t take flight in a slight breeze.

Keira Knightley attended the premiere of her new movie Atonement last night in L.A. What manner of dark wizardry is keeping the top of her dress on? It’s like it’s super-glued to her breasts, if that’s what we’re calling them. I don’t know if they meet the requirements to be classified as such. According to the dictionary I wrote: “The female breast must not protrude into the chest but rather out. It must also present itself post haste for the predetermined price of one American dollar.” Sadly, the people at Webster didn’t see fit to adopt my definition. Philistines!

The Spice Girls in defiance of all logic and reason have been on a comeback tour. They appeared at the 12th Victoria’s Secret Fashion show and had a concert in L.A. on Wednesday where they spoke to FOX News about their strictly “sisterly” love:

On being back together:
“All of us together again, it is like a marriage,” Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell told us. “You just learn to understand each other, celebrate the differences.”

On what goes down behind closed doors:
“We don’t fight and we don’t share clothes,” Melanie “Scary” Brown said. “And we don’t sleep together.”

On Scary Spice’s attempts to lesbi-fy things:
“She has tried it on us though,” Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham told Pop Tarts while pointing at Scary with arms entwined around Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton. “I’ve had to say ‘no’ so many times.”

On Geri Halliwell and I’s mutual obsession:
“I mean, could you imagine waking up to this (points to Scary’s body) every day of your life?” Geri laughed. “I just can’t stop staring at your boobs…”

I dream about the Spice Girl’s having lesbian orgies all the time. I mean, who doesn’t? In my fantasy Baby Spice just pulled off Posh Spice’s plastic head which upsets Ginger Spice causing her sick man abs to glow fire red. Ginger decides to Tae Bo Baby in the face then they make up by massaging each other inside a tank filled with pudding. But don’t think I left out Scary and Sporty Spice. Those two are having a kinky pillow fight over who gets to vacuum my apartment. I never really got to find out who wins because some idiot wanted to use the copier room to actually make copies. Then he had the nerve to ask me where my pants were. It’s none of your beeswax, Mr. CEO of the company.

Blake Lively, who is probably better known at this point though her TV alter-ego, Gossip Girl’s Serena van der Woodson, looks gorgeous on the January cover of Lucky magazine. She’s quickly becoming one of my favorite new stars (with her especially fabulous hair). While I will say that the perfection of her relationship with Dan is a little too saccharine at this point, I’m sure it won’t stay that way for long. I mean, seeing the scandal on last night’s episode, I’m thinking that Josh Schwartz doesn’t want to let this one go stale. Check out my thoughts on last night’s episode and then test your attention to detail! Don’t miss Fab’s fashion quiz, Geek’s tech quiz, and Bella’s beauty quiz on last night’s episode. Fun times.

Oh, happy day!

Click here to watch the trailer for the new Sex & The City movie.

[Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Eva Mendes is the new face of PETA’s “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” campaign. What an awesome coincidence. I, too, would rather see Eva Mendes go naked than wear fur. To prove how much I hate fur, I hunted down a bunch of forest creatures and put them in a wood chipper. Yeah, let’s see someone make a coat out of them now. I should be the president of PETA. I get shit done.

The pic above links to a NSFW version that’s full of assy goodness.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been accused of sexual harassment countless times, and it seems like those experiences have not changed his view of women one bit.

The governor of California tells Entertainment Tonight about his wife, Maria Shriver:

“She has big responsibilities being the first lady, author of all of those books, taking care of the family, and taking care of me. She has her hands full. If you have a family and you have children, you know that the women actually end up doing much more of the work than the guys do.”

Why you gotta be perpetuating stereotypes, Arnie?

Just look at Britney and K-Fed! Ha!

[Image via WENN.]

Ashton Kutcher was still rocking the bright yellow chicken suit, but this time he looks angry filming a scene from Personal Effects in Vancouver yesterday. Michelle doesn’t look all too amused either. Talk about a fowl mood, yuk yuk. You know, not everyone can pull off yellow, but Ashton doesn’t look so bad. It’s probably his old male model roots (which he’ll be flexing again as the face of Pepe Jeans) shining through.

To see more of Ashton in yellow just

read more

Hayden Panettiere took an afternoon stroll before getting a manicure yesterday. I wish she would call me on that phone. Maybe we’d have a lot to talk about. I like dolphins and working out, too. One time I even bench-pressed a dolphin. True story. Go ahead and ask Sea World where I’m not allowed within a 100-yard radius of. Not just because of the dolphin thing. I had a tumultuous affair with a sea lion who, quite frankly, was the greatest love of my life. Take me back, Arfy! I can change!

Awarded with the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Breakfast Tuesday, Jodie Foster reportedly gave a moving speech, candidly telling the gathered crowd, “I’ve been working in this business for 42 years and there’s no way you can do that and not be as nutty as a fruitcake.” Among her many thank-yous, one got a reporter wondering if the veteran actress, so notoriously tight-lipped about her personal affairs and the significance of the “eternity ring” she never removes, had quietly come out to her working woman peers. From the LA Daily News:

Toward the end of her remarks, Jodie thanked those nearest and dearest to her. Among them was “my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss.”

Since she has always been so intensely private, I was surprised at the public acknowledgment of who I presume is Cydney Bernard, the woman who is widely reported to be her life partner.

It’s not as if this was some great secret: Even the first entry of Bernard’s IMDb trivia section mentions their relationship, having met in 1993 on the set of Sommersby. Still, for Foster to recognize her partner in a public industry forum suggests she may be slackening her rigid position on the matter; in the unlikely event she wins a Golden Globe or Oscar for The Brave One, we might very well look forward to a Halle Berry-esque acceptance speech for the ages, in which the actress tearfully intones, “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I’m sorry. This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Katherine Hepburn, Linda Hunt, Miss Hathaway!”

• Jodie Foster gives thanks to Cydney through thick, thin [DailyNews.com]

A tipster forwarded this cameraphone photo of an unattended WGA picket sign found on the Warner Bros lot this morning; hopefully, its owner has permanently abandoned it in favor of one with a more up-to-date slogan, as no one really needs a reminder that the strike has dragged on so long that references to DeGeneres’ pet adoption problems once seemed timely.

Kiefer Sutherland was officially booked this evening at the Glendale City Jail. He is to serve a 48-day sentence stemming from a September arrest for DUI. He petitioned the judge to allow him to serve in city jail instead of the infamous Twin Towers county facility where “jailers can’t guarantee the safety of high-profile inmates.” Kiefer was scheduled to start his sentence on his birthday December 21 which is when 24 begins its Christmas hiatus. Due to the writers strike, Kiefer decided to surrender early. TMZ reports:

TMZ spoke with Glendale Police Chief Randy Adams, who said Kiefer will be treated “just like anyone else,” adding, “The fact that he’s a celebrity — he checked that at the door when he checked in.” Chief Adams said Sutherland will perform laundry and kitchen duties and will serve the entire 48 days consecutively. The Chief said Kiefer will not share a cell, but that is S.O.P. in Glendeezy because all “long term inmates” get their own digs.

Hold on a minute. They’re going to make Kiefer Sutherland do laundry and kitchen duties? Maybe he should’ve gone with county prison. I know if I had a choice between doing the thankless chores God wants my wife to do or taking a shiv to the gut during a prison riot, I’d choose the shiv. A man should only do the dishes and laundry in college which is why I used paper plates and wore trash bags for shirts. I made those Hefty’s look hot.

Guess who didn’t need a dressing room?

The ladies on The View discussed transgender children Wednesday morning, and Sherri Shepard’s words have upset many people!

What’d she say?

Click here to find out!

Halle Berry stayed dry under her big, green umbrella while hitting the stores in Vancouver yesterday. Her shopping list must be pretty long with her baby on the way, but since Gabriel wasn’t around we bet she browsed for a few surprises for him, too. Men aren’t always the easiest to shop for, but luckily for you we’ve got a sweet gift guide to help inspire you during the holiday season. Unfortunately we still haven’t figured out how to get a hot model-like Gabriel all wrapped up with a bow just yet.

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