DirtyWash.com

The Humane Society is teasing the imminent release of their investigative report on the pet stores and puppy mills that keep Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and their animal-collecting ilk supplied with a fresh, fashionable accessory-chihuahua each time they stroll down the red carpet for the latest mobile-phone launch.

The teaser trailer the Society posted to its blog is chillingly effective: not only do we expect to be appalled by their trip to one of L.A.’s most popular pet-pushing emporiums, but we’re hoping their i-team, disguised as Les Deux patrons in search of a hot after-party, somehow managed to infiltrate Hilton’s compound and obtain footage of the walk-in closet where a colony of neglected pups survives on a diet of high-end shoe leather and the contents of discarded water bottles. Stay tuned!

• Puppy Trouble in Tinseltown [Humane Society]

• Fergie takes on Guns N’ Roses — Hollywood Tuna
• Patrick Dempsey suits up in spandex — Pink is the New Blog
• Janice Dickinson thinks Tyra Banks is fat — D-Listed
• Kristen Bell embodies every geek’s fantasy — Egotastic
• Jenny McCarthy gets in a treehouse — Just Jared
• Carrie Bradshaw prefers payphones — geeksugar
• Shakira pictures don’t lie — cityrag
• Pam Anderson’s Vegas show has come to an end — Hollywood Rag
• Rumer Willis strikes a pose — IDLYITW
• Amy Winehouse is only present in spirit in her new video — MollyGood

If you’re into the titty action, then CLICK HERE.

It’s okay. The clip is safe for work.

And delicious!

Paris Hilton attended a party at the Versace Mansion in Miami Saturday night. Paris didn’t seem to know anybody at the party, so she decided to pretend to talk on her cell phone, according to FOX News:

“It was interesting,” said our insider. “She didn’t know a lot of the people there and obviously felt uncomfortable, so she chatted away on her phone to phantom friends, at one point it even started to beep while she talking.”

It’s comforting to know that Paris Hilton is just a few steps away from becoming the crazy lady that walks down the street talking into her imaginary phone. In the meantime, I like how Paris shows up at these parties and no one has any idea what she’s doing there. I doubt someone’s planning an event and saying, “You know, I should invite Paris Hilton. She’s so full of insight and is quite the conversationalist.” If Paris actually said something useful just once, it would create a tear in the time/space continuum. I have no evidence to back that up except for the fact I got drunk this weekend and watched Back to the Future. So, actually, what I meant to say is I have all the evidence.

Click here to listen to Oprah’s inspired speech in support of Barack Obama, this past weekend in Iowa.And click here to watch part two of the long and inspiring speech!

Guess who is snuggling into her coat?

Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee is a fucking idiot.

He should totally get the Republican nomination!!!

We smelled the bullshiz!

Despite a report from Fox news claiming they were getting married this weekend in the Bahamas, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are NOT tying the knot as we speak.

“Not true. Fox made it up,” Lachey’s rep said on Saturday of the wedding talk.

OK! magazine probably started the rumor to help sell more copies of their current issue, which has Nich & Vanessa on the cover.

Smart!

Guess which brown-haired star was hanging out with Eva Mendes?

When we asked about your favorite new couple of 2007, we left this fantastic foursome off the list. But, how could we forget our infamous Love Square? Justin, Scarlett, Jessica and Ryan had us all mixed up for a while there about who was dating who, but at this point they’ve definitively broken off into two legit (and hot) couples. So now that we know who is with whom — which of these two new couples of 2007 do you like more?

Don’t forget to vote on all of our Best of 2007 polls!

Flynet

“While the music industry is doing everything they possibly can to go out of business, can we all make sure to rid ourselves of the Grammys, too? Out of touch old men jacking each other off. ENOUGH!”

- Trent Reznor, on the Nine Inch Nails official blog

[Image via WENN.]

· Kiefer adjusts to life on the inside.
· Still striking, still talking.
· Leno kicks in for his employees, but which late-night host can go longest?
· Jodie Foster thanks a Cydney. Or a Sidney. Or Sydney? She didn’t specify.
· Women! Power! Hollywood! (It’s not as exciting as it sounds.)
· The sound of Armageddon is the sound of Ellen playing bongos.
· Stars of The Kite Runner inching their way towards their permanent safehome at the Oakwood Apartments.
· Barbara Walters fumbles with the fascinating.
· Katherine Heigl on Judd Apatow on Katherine Heigl on Knocked Up.
· “Well, I’ll be! Joan van Ark, you haven’t aged a day!”
· Dept. of Small Miracles: Carson Daly, back on the air.
· We’ve got Jennifer Love Hewitt’s AssGate Fever!
· Catching up with Chinese Theater Zorro guy.
· The Dr. Phil audience bus crash: There, but for the grace of God, would we never be caught dead.
· Correction: Donald Trump not as generous as previously claimed.
· Larry and Brad: Together again.
· Clooney in the shitter.

· Not only did 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan not offer to impregnate all the women in Rachael Ray’s audience yesterday, he taught us a superior version of the old Five Second Rule: “God made dirt, and dirt don’t hurt.”
· Elton John wins a “Maori Academy Award”: a bird-feather cloak, which sounds both more fashionable and practical that the little statue Hollywood hands out.
· Please construct your own sketchy British tabloid story based on the following elements: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, threat, lesbian, sex tape.
· Daniel Radcliffe screams in agony as his favorite Equus prank, “Hey, watch me hump the big metal horse head again!,” goes horribly awry due to an unexpected genital-entanglement issue.
· Who could have possibly foreseen that lesser Baldwin Daniel might again run afoul of the law?

Guess who’s hanging out at LAX wearing fur?

Tara Reid went on a harbor cruise from the Finger Wharf in Woolloomooloo in Sydney. I’m going to leave that sentence alone. Anyway, I’m always astounded when Tara Reid’s cleavage looks unreasonably decent instead of the hellish nightmare it truly is. But I still wouldn’t walk around with a face that says “Oh yeah, I’d hit that.” Which is clearly what the guy behind her is doing. May I suggest a safer alternative to rest your penis while in Australia, sir? Like the mouth of a crocodile. Or underneath the foot of a kangaroo.