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Before having promiscuous sex with a photographer, Britney Spears walked around Saturday in a ridiculously see-through shirt, and, oh, holy night, no bra! It’s a Christmas miracle. Kind of. I think. All I know is my penis is glowing bright red like Rudolph’s nose and I dunno if that’s good or bad. Hey, here comes Santa Claus. You want my dong to guide your sleigh tonight? Sure. Why not? Let’s save Christmas, jolly man. But wait. *holds a candy cane to his ear* Baby Jesus is on the phone. He says we should get lap dances first. Your treat.

Happy Holidays everybody, see you guys Wednesday.

All the pics are NSFW. (Hint: It’s because of the nipples.)

Guess who caused a stir on Robertson?

· Jamie Lynn Spears: Pregnant and loving it! TV news reacts, and reacts, and reacts. Rounding it up. Nickelodeon’s dilemma. The View weighs in.
· Is Schwarzenegger aching to slip back into his camo for John Matrix, the long-overdue Commando sequel?
· Kiefer, we’re still waiting.
· One more chance to see Ashton Claus hump Rudolph the Red-Nosed Cougar.
· Bells and whistles continue to be added to the WGA and AMPTP’s official web presences.
· It’s official: The late night hosts are coming back, and so are Stewart and Colbert. They have been duly warned.
· Hey, why does Michael Jackson have masking tape all over his face? Oh, that’s why.
· Eggnog aficionado Sherri Shepherd doesn’t remember any passages in the Bible where it says you can’t be a $1000-a-shot-drinking hot ho.
· Mike Malin tumbles from the Les Deux skylight like a starlet-banging Christmas angel.
· Introducing American Gladiators‘ former gay porn model.
· Facebook Status Updates: “CAA is…totally feasting on delicious take-out baby right now! Yumballs!”

Remember when Vanessa Hudgens was the squeaky clean teen star tarnished by nude photos that popped up on the Internet? I don’t either. But, anyway, I bet Vanessa, seen here leaving the gym yesterday, wishes she had gotten pregnant instead to shed her good-girl Disney image. Unfortunately, any attempt to have sex with her boyfriend Zac Efron ends in failure, tears and, for some odd reason, jazz hands!

Pregnant and slutty!

The whores from t.A.T.u pose seductively like hookers in the new issue of Russian Maxim.

Oh, Julia. Honey!

Coming up!

Guess who was feeling shy at the airport?

Jenna Jameson attended the premiere of The Bucket List in L.A. Afterwards she hit up Club Hyde where she signed autographs for fans before heading home. That’s all well and good, but I can’t get over how sexy her legs are. Her tattoos blend right in with the varicose veins. It’s like something out of a dream where you’re making love to a decaying mummy. But the mummy has lots of makeup and breast implants, so it’s a really romantic dream that you can tell your girlfriend about over breakfast.

We’ve heard much about how SWAT teams of WGA picketers have shut down a number of location shoots around town, but as we can’t move further than three feet from our computer before our electric collar cripples us with a painful, bowel-loosening jolt, we haven’t had the opportunity to see one in action. A member of the group that forced the closure of a shoot for ABC’s October Road on Thursday has posted a YouTube video of their successful set disruption, claiming that a mere five minutes of chanting was needed to send the crew–some supportive, some decidedly less so–packing for the day.Somewhat disappointingly, there’s no footage of cast members like Tom Berenger or Laura Prepon making sympathetic pizza deliveries to the protesting writers, perhaps indicating that the strike has dragged on so long no one can be bothered to take an easy, solidarity-promoting photo-op anymore.

• UNION POWER - WGA Shuts Down A Location Shoot [YouTube]
• Previously: Audience-Disrupting WGA Vigilantes Say They’re Not Done Tormenting Talk Show Hosts Quite Yet [Defamer]

Many listeners of Mix 94.1 in Las Vegas were surprised when none other than Lindsay Lohan called in to the station’s morning show.

In a sweet act of kindness, the actress called on behalf of a friend of hers that entered a contest to see who could get the most famous person to call in. The winner gets a pair of Hannah Montana concert tickets.

There’s no other way Lindsay could have scored tickets?

On-air hosts Mark and Mercedes used the opportunity to grill Lohan on her life.

She talks about…

- How she’s doing
- The media
- Her relationship with Riley Giles
- Her family
- Being reunited with her father
- Working on her new album
- And her desire to go to Africa for charity work

Listen to the interview below!

[Image via WENN.]

To kickoff the weekend here’s a buttload of pictures featuring Amanda Beard in a bikini. The shots are from a photo shoot in Hawaii for Triathlete magazine. But who cares? It’s Amanda Beard in a bikini! In the meantime, I’ll be getting myself in the holiday spirit by blasting Trans Siberian Orchestra at ear-deafening levels and drinking the traditional winter lager out of a Santa hat. Hopefully, I can down it all before it leaks on the kids’ presents again. I don’t want my wife throwing a sterling silver Baby Jesus at my junk like last year. She’s such a Scrooge.

• Paris Hilton is the party mixer — Hollywood Rag
• Beyonce gives Jay-Z a sneak peek — Egotastic
• Meet Lindsay Lohan’s possible new boyfriend — D-Listed
• Rob Schneider helps Adam Sandler with the daddy duties — Just Jared
• Lindsay Lohan gets sexy for the recording studio — Pink is the New Blog
• Late night hosts could return in January, yay! — BuzzSugar
• Fergie gets a makeover — cityrag
• Amanda Beard trades her speedo for a bikini — Hollywood Tuna
• Gemma Atkinson sells lingerie — IDLYITW
• Is Obama breaking up Oprah and Stedman? — popbytes
• Bai Ling gets aggressive with Santa — MollyGood

Click here for your chance to win free tickets and artist meet & greet passes to Y100’s Jingle Ball in South Florida this Saturday, which Perez is hosting!

Our camera crew from our Vh1 show will be roving around and filming the evening. It promises to be a very special night.

AND, click here for your chance to win tickets and artist meet & greet passes for Z100’s Jingle Ball in New York City this Friday, which P-Nasty will be making an appearance at.

P.S. In case you hadn’t noticed, the next episode of What Perez Sez airs this Thursday at 10 pm on Vh1.

Ch-ch-check it out!!!

Hilary Swank scored the cover of the January issue of W Magazine where she talks about her career, falling in love again, her 45 vitamin supplement a day regimen, and new movie P.S. I love you. Hilary chopped her hair to donate back in July and got all sexed up for the shoot. What do you think about Hilary in W — hot or not?

Hayden Panettiere went Christmas shopping with her mom in New York City yesterday. She’s seen sporting some tall-ass boots with her short skirt. Now that’s some holiday cheer. But you know what isn’t full of holiday cheer? Having your wife come home early to find you’ve been dressing the tree in Hayden’s cheerleading outfit. That’s full of holiday divorce. Clearly she didn’t think it was cute that I blamed the dry cleaners for using too much starch on the tree skirt. In hindsight, I’m surprised she wasn’t tipped off the day I folded it into a coffee table and stood on it to change some light bulbs.