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Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline partied together in Vegas this weekend. Yeah, go ahead and absorb that for a minute. People says they spent the night together in Paris’ room. PageSix.com says they didn’t. I bet he did. I mean, how could Kevin resist Paris climbing over furniture like a drunken Spider-man? That’s just erotic. Could you imagine if he knocked her up? I did. It took the fire department five hours to talk me down off a ledge. Then they gave me a ride on the fire engine to a strip club. Okay, maybe I sort of jumped off the back when no one was looking.

The rumors have been around since at least September, but now Hayden Panettiere have escalated their relationship up another level.

Though they have denied being a couple, People magazine is now reporting that the Heroes costars are dating.

And if People is reporting it, then it must be true! Hayden’s publicist probably confirmed the story off-the-record!

“Hayden’s mom adores Milo. She thinks he’s so cute,” a family friend tells the magazine. “She tells her friends that he’s her boyfriend. She’s very proud.”

We’re sure Lesley’s all over it! The fact that Hayden is 18 and Milo is 30 probably doesn’t bother mommy one bit!

On a December trip to New York City, Ventimiglia hung out with the entire Panettiere family. “He’s even met her grandparents. He fits in perfectly with the family. Milo jokes around with her little brother,” says the source. “They’re buddies.”

When the couple are together, “they’re very affectionate and very comfortable around each other. He really takes care of her, even down to the little things like giving her a back massage and going with her to work.”

“They’re not afraid to show their affection around her family and their friends,” says the friend.

We’re already praying to the Gossip Gods that Hayden ends up pregnant and dumped by Milo next year.

How hot would that be????

Reese and Jake stopped for coffee (twice!) while out on a leisurely stroll in LA shopping on Saturday afternoon. They stopped to pet cute puppies and point at balloons, you know, act generally endearing and adorable. I gotta say, I’m loving Jake with a little bit of that scruff these days, h-o-t. While I’m thinking that these two are going to be keeping things a little more low key tonight than some other celebrities, I’m sure they’ll be having fun ringing in 2008 with a kiss. And in case you missed it and need a few more year-end awwwwwws, check out the slideshow of our favorite couples of 2007.

Flynet

· Michelle Rodriguez begins her 180-day jail odyssey, Topanga meets breathalyzer, De Mornay pays the piper, and Mischa Barton spends a night in jail. · Sean and Robin”s divorce: Could it have been Penn”s stubborn opinions about The Beatles? · The Defamer 2007 Year in Review: Parts I, II, and III. And our best videos of the year. · Britney Spears spills her guts to Adnan the Paparazzo. · Will Smith-Loves-HitlerGate: Could you clarify what you meant by “reprogramming?” · Brandy walks. · Casting the CBS MOW of the Benazir Bhutto tragedy. · Carson Daly electrifying late night. · Angelina Jolie and Rosie O”Donnell top annoying celebrity and do-gooder polls. We forget which won which. · “He said something about, “Taking my homies weed…”” · Worldwide Pants and the WGA make beautiful, side-deal love.

Guess who is checking in?

In a surprise Defamer World Exclusive! (must credit Defamer’s World’s First Surprise Super Exclusive!) videographer Molly McAleer, who spent last evening in the Hollywood Hills working on choreography with her Satanist friends as she always does, captured this altercation between Sean and Robin Wright Penn–possibly the final blow-up that led to today’s divorce announcement. Sean clearly seems to be the more conciliatory of the two, sweetly offering up small fondnesses, such as the way Robin reads her script dialogue out loud before bed every night–but we’ll leave it to you to decide where, if anywhere at all, the fault lies.

• Hurlyburly - The Restaurant Dispute [YouTube]

Lindsay Lohan is getting an award!

No, she’s not getting a prize for most trips to rehab in 2007. Instead, she’s being honored for her work. Ha!

The actress is being recognized by the Capri Film Festival and on Friday (above) she was spotted in Capri, roaming the streets - shopping and shit.

“It is indeed an honor to have Lindsay Lohan at Capri, Hollywood,” said Festival producer Pascal Vicedomini. “We are delighted to recognize her talent as a performing artist, as well as her position as an icon in the world of entertainment.”

They couldn’t get anybody else to show up????

Lindsay’s not a bad actress, but she’s only 21. You shouldn’t be honoring her at a film festival just yet!

[Photo via Getty Images.]

My original headline for this post was “Simon Cowell attacked by rogue Ethopian.” Then I did some investigative journalism (i.e. Wikipedia) and learned that it’s actually Simon’s fiancé British TV personality Teri Seymour. The couple are on vacation in Barbados for the holiday. I can understand why he keeps her around. She seems handy. Simon could always use Teri as a walking stick if he were on a long hike. Or, I dunno, maybe as a karate staff if he wanted to fight crime or play Ninja Turtles with Ryan Seacrest who always wants to be “Naked Shredder.”

Guess who is leaving the pet store?

John Mayer just wrote a very poignant entry on his official blog about the term “douchebag.”

It goes a little something like this….

“Death to Douchebag
1 of a 129-part series on the year that was 2007,
By John Mayer

“Douchebag.”

“What a douchebag.”

It feels good to say, “douchebag.” It’s got two different plosive sounds, the “D” and “B”, and nicely wedged between is a wonderful “sh” sound (technically known as a voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant, at the risk of coming off douchey) that, when preceded with “oooooh”, give your lips the sensation of sliding on a hardwood floor in a pair of woolen socks.

And “douchebag” was on the vinegary tips of everyone’s tongues this year. Trouble is, I’m not really clear on what it means, and I don’t know that anyone does. I know that I get called one. Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy, by measure of a google search, is a douchebag 11,100 times over, or the number of results that the search engine says exist. Zach Braff, who himself wrote one of the better films I’ve seen in the last decade is also frequently ‘bagged, as is some guy named Brody Jenner. In fact, if you want to go big, so is Michael Stipe, Bono (”supreme douchebag”), Thom Yorke, Will Smith and Brad Pitt.

Are you as confused as I am as to what the common denominator of douchiness is? Is it someone that comes off obnoxious? Self aggrandizing? Ignorant? Or is it just someone who exists out of another person’s comfort zone? And doesn’t that account for almost everyone in the world, celebrity or otherwise? Don’t most people, given the fact that they’re NOT US lie somewhere outside our comfort zone? Ohhhhh…OR…is being a douchebag actually all about having a bigger smile than someone else deems you deserve to in life? I think I’m onto something here. Stick with me.

In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy’s got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it’s not your dad’s rock star template, but he’d be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They’re ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete’s going to keep pretending. Because that’s all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that’s what people think being a douchebag is?)

I personally don’t mind being called a douchebag. I’ve met my fair share of bloggers, and I’m much, much taller than them. It’s also because I need there to be some push on the castle walls, so to speak. I’m not happy when people agree. (Don’t make me start listing the names of seminal artists that weren’t either.) I think it’s easier to call “douchebag” than to confront the possibility that:

THERE ARE OTHER PERSONALITIES IN THIS WORLD THAT ARE NOT INHERENTLY SYMPATHETIC TO OUR OWN.

Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you’re a total, world-class douchebag.

But then wouldn’t that also serve as a fitting description of the boy who cried “douche”?

Maybe it’s just really fun to say.”

It’s a little late, but the Jewish media titans controlling this site don’t exactly know when the pagan holiday commemorating the birth of your false prophet falls on your calendar; what you call “Christmas,” occuring on December 25th, is just regular ol’ Tevet 16th, 5768 to us. Having said that, here’s a video montage of Britney Spears set to one of her own Christmas songs, as compiled by Defamer’s own Image Party Picasso, Molly McAleer.

Any suggestions for our videographer for the forthcoming, sure-to-be an annus horribilis for anyone with the last name “Spears?” A montage of paparazzi shots of Jamie Lynn carting her baby around in a Trader Joe’s paper bag as she browses Kitson set to the tune of Kim Wilde’s “Kids in America”? Britney Spears’s 35 to-and-fro courthouse jaunts with Beck’s “Loser” blasting on the soundtrack? Shots of matriarch Lynn’s attempts to keep smiling as she loses the National Book Award for her forthcoming tome to a sub-par effort by Jonathan Franzen with her NPR interview predicting a win playing over the whole thing? Do you think Mad TV funnyman Aries Spears is going to get arrested for arson or something?

• Britney Spears

Nicollette Sheridan enjoyed some more of her holiday vacation in St. Barts. She sported a new bikini then decided to do a little jogging ala Baywatch. They should really consider remaking that show and I nominate Nicollette for the role of Mitch. I know what you’re thinking: that’s a man’s role. But, if we’re to truly honor the artistry of David Hasselhoff, Mitch should be played by someone that has boobs both equally old yet awesome like the Hoff’s. Did I just say the Hoff’s breasts are awesome? You tell me.*

* Answer: Yes!

It’s a very High School Musical holiday! Costars and best buds Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale have a Christmas lunch together at Mo’s Fine Food in Woodland Hills.

Vanessa Hudgens started cracking up after Ashley Tisdale told her “_____________.”

[Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Guess who’s loading up his car with a few last minute Christmas gifts?

· As we gaze at the Bassett Hound literally taking a dump in the middle of the three-way intersection outside the window of Defamer HQ-2 (a Christmas miracle!), we think fondly of Defamer videographer Molly, who is away today. We therefore had no choice but to plunder from the tidily wrapped video gifts beneath the tree of our more affluent cousins over at Jezebel. Look, everyone! It”s Charo singing “Feliz Nablahblah” on the Pee-wee”s Playhouse Christmas Special! · “Tis the season to be breathalyzered: In what is unlikely to be the last celeb DUI of the year, Boy Meets World“s Topanga was picked up for drunk driving.

· Still wracking your brains trying to come up for the perfect, last-minute present for the loved one who has everything? How about driving them insane with personalized postcards from an unsigned maniac in a tiny Polish village? · Is it Christmas? · What”s Jesus”s birthday without occasional Defamer guest-contributer Nick Malis”s musical ode to the loneliest holiday? · We plan on spending our Christmas working on our Guitar Hero 3 game, though we have a ways to go until we even approach the insane skill-levels of Conrad the Great. Meanwhile, those of you who don”t find Xmas 2008″s Most Wanted under your tree this year can still get in on the fun with Handbell Hero. · Well, that”s it, everyone. True, we”re Jewish, but in the spirit of inclusionism, we”re out of here until Wednesday. All the best to you and yours. Chag Samayach!