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Guess who is applying makeup?

Britney Spears arrived in court today along with Kevin Federline. The two are in the midst of a custody battle that has seen Britney lose and regain custody of her kids about 1,000 times by my estimate. Presently Britney is only allowed monitored visits with Sean and Jayden. A court-appointed parenting coach must be present. At the time of this post, Britney and Kevin are still in the courtroom. No major developments have occurred with the exception of Britney changing her hairstyle and sunglasses after every break, according to TMZ:

She walked into the bathroom and presto change-o! — she changed her dark black sunglasses for brown ones. She also took her hair down.

You know what impresses a judge? Sunglasses. Turns out Britney Spears is a master legal strategist. Yeah, maybe she skipped a few drug tests and completely ignores her parenting coach, but check out these shades, your honor. Yup, they totally block out the sun. You can just hand over those kids now. No rush on the “Mother of the Year” plaque. Just drop it in the mail. Laters, y’all!

UPDATE: The judge will issue a written ruling on Monday or Tuesday. Kevin Federline was seen leaving the courtroom very happy while Britney was a sobbing mess despite having her visitation rights extended for the weekend. According to Extra, when asked by a reporter how things were going, Britney replied “Eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it!” Someone explain to me why Britney Spears hasn’t been invited to Buckingham Palace. It just seems like she’d fit in there. You know, because she’s so classy and refined.

Christina Aguilera is expecting twins, according to a reliable source for the NY Daily News. That’s interesting. I was shocked to learn that her husband Sasquatch could mate with humans, and now I find out he not only reproduces, he multiplies. Fascinating stuff. Will Christina try to raise the kids in captivity or in the wild? Somebody needs to do an Animal Planet special on these two and record it for me. I’m too busy fighting terrorism with a knife between my teeth.

NOTE: Some might say that posting pictures of celebrity breasts isn’t really fighting terrorism. Newsflash: Terrorists hate boobs. If someone you know hates female mammary glands, report them immediately to the nearest Office of Homeland Security. I’m just going to sit here now and wait for my Congressional Medal of Honor. Man, I’ve earned it.

Let the fun and games begin!

This hot hunk of a bear is coming forward and speaking publicly about a tryst he had twenty years ago with disgraced Republican Larry Craig, foe of the gays.

It’s dirty. Literally.

Click here to read what went down. And, yes, Larry went down too (and much much more)!

Fashion designer, fragrance creator, and music producer/rapper Diddy debuted his latest endeavor yesterday: Ciroc Vodka. Diddy will help develop the brand in a deal which could get him more than $100 million. He held a press conference in NYC to announce the news and discuss how involved he’ll be in the branding. Here’s more:

“It is not an endorsement deal,” Combs told The Associated Press on Tuesday night. “This is something that will have my daily attention.” Combs said he wanted to work with Diageo because the company understood that “I’m not just a celebrity endorser, I’m a brand builder. I’m a luxury brand builder.”

Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting “movers and shakers” to the line. “They’re looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle. It’s that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who’s looking for luxury and looking for something better.”

He’s definitely got a knack for business, branding, and making money including the best selling celebrity fragrance of the year. In fact, he even said that he’s planning on spending some of his earnings on a few fancy gifts for J Lo’s new little one(s).

Source

“ghost writer Very busy executive would like to hire a writer to send emails on his behalf on personal dating websites. And do a few enails back and forth to get the ball rolling.. This person needs to know how to write in a masculine, but romantic way and at the same time create a challenge for the reader of the email” [Craigslist via And I Am Not Lying]

At least one blogger attending Natalie Portman’s recent Columbia University lecture about micro-lending wasn’t exactly blown away the actress’s appeal for debt forgiveness: “Then he showed a video featuring Natalie Portman somewhere in Africa, on top of a mountain, her knees pulled to her chest, intimately looking into the camera (as the sound person apparently knocked the mic into various objects), musing about the poor people she’d met on her journey and how they’ve taught her that exploitative micro-finance organizations like FINCA need to forgive all their loans. The real Natalie Portman in the room didn’t seem to know what to do while this video played. Sometimes she looked at the ground, sometimes at the audience, and sometimes at the screen. It would have been less awkward if she had lip-synced to herself speaking in the video. The video was short, and afterward Natalie Portman apologized for “not being as articulate as might have been expected” in it. Expected by whom?” This strikes us a little harsh, especially considering how generously Portman has given of herself lately. [I Heart Not You]

Last night many PYTs headed to the Frederick’s of Hollywood fashion show to benefit the Clothes Off Our Backs Foundation in LA. Attendees included the Simpson sisters, an Olsen, High School Musical stars and Dita. Which of these things is not like the other? While Dita may standout in this crowd, she’s also the one we associate most with sexy lingerie. Dita was just one of the many celebrity designers who created corsets to be auctioned off. Other guest designers included Christina Aguilera, Eva Longoria, Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. Kristen Bell, who made her debut appearance on Heroes this week, was also there to support the good cause. Jessica Simpson was clearly having a blast with her Major Movie Star co-star Cheri Oteri. Oh how we’ve missed Jessica’s fun facial expressions.

Lots more pics of all the ladies and more including Amanda Bynes, Rex Lee, Ashley Olsen so just

read more

English lingerie model Danielle Lloyd braved the cold to launch the new Ski Republic website yesterday in London. Whoever devised this campaign deserves the Nobel Prize – twice. Now, that being said, I catch a lot of flack for posting pics of bleached blondes with fake breasts, but, honestly, how else do you sell ski equipment? If you’ve got a better suggestion than a chick in a bathing suit on top of a tank, I’d love to hear it.

NOTE: All submissions must be in the form of a blonde with giant boobs. Tank mandatory.

We rarely see this baby!

Whose child is this????

CLICK HERE to find out who the superstar parents are!

[Image by ENF via Fame Pictures.]

It’s Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s little Moses. Mom and tot were spotted in Barcelona on Wednesday. The Oscar winner is in Spain filming a new cooking show with chef Mario Batali.

· Dear ladies of The View: Don’t feel special that James Lipton shared his French pimp story with you. He’ll blab on and on about it to any talk show host he thinks can help him move some books. Aside to fill-in host Kassie DePaiva: Back in the day, Lipton would have turned you out so damn fast you wouldn’t know what hit you.
· We’ve been told that if you watch these Harry Potter-inspired videos and animations, Naked Dumbledore makes an appearance. Do with this information what you will.
· RIP Peter “The Stomach” Hume, onetime Meatballs competitive hot dog eater.
· Pregnancy is really agreeing with Halle Berry. Or at least with parts of her.

Mel B. is the latest Spice Girl to update their official blog.

This is what she has to share:

“Alright you lot,

Wow, what a busy few days I’ve had… it’s been mental but brilliant at the same time. As you know, I flew to the UK with Victoria last week so that we could hook up with the other girls to shoot the video for our new single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends). It was a really, really long day but I think that’s because we all sat around drinking tea and gossiping like a bunch of old women! We had such a laugh. It was great to be together again and I think the video is going to look fan-bloody-tastic. I can’t wait to see it finished and on TV.

Hopefully you will have heard the single by now as it was played on radio on Tuesday morning. We are really pleased with it and hope that you will love it as much as we do. I can’t wait to perform it for the first time with the rest of the girls.

I’m back in LA now as I’m Dancing With The Stars. I was so pleased with the judges’ comments this week. I was really nervous about the performance as I had such little time to practice but I think the other girls brought me luck. I really enjoyed dancing to Spice Up Your Life. My dancing partner Maks was with me in the UK so that we could practice our routine in-between takes of the video. Although I think the other girls scared him a bit – but that’s what Girl Power is all about.

I’m so excited about the tour and soon we will all be together in LA so we can really get stuck in to rehearsals. It is going to be such an AMAAAAAAZING show, so I hope you’ve all got your tickets!

See you all soon

Melanie B”

[Image via Buzz Foto.]

Guess who is waiting all alone?

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline attended their first Parenting Without Conflict course today. It’s the first time the two have been in the same building since meeting with attorneys back in September. TMZ reports:

The class will last a couple of hours. They will meet with a parenting coach, who will give them advice on how a divorced couple should raise their children.
The kids are not present.
Sources say Britney is actually looking forward to discussing parenting with her ex — however, after arriving at the location, Brit was distraught and bawling like a baby in the bathroom.

What could Britney be so upset about? Unless she still has feelings for Kevin. Could you imagine if these two got back together? No, wait, that’s not even funny. Somebody’s gotta stop this. Snarf, bring me the Sword of Omens! Thunder. Thunder! THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOO! *looks around* Dude, go upstairs and tell Grandma I need 4 C batteries for this thing. Dude, it’s important. I have to stop Britney and Kevin. Jesus, we’ll play Halo later. Fine. Stop crying. We’ll do what you want to do. Again. I hope they name their third kid after you.

Update: Yeah, you got me, my comments above sucks. It’s impossible to even suggest that I live in my mom’s basement. Every knows I reside in a private castle where I eat raw steaks, bathe in gold and hunt wild boars - with a grenade launcher.

Look, it’s not a gay wizard, but it’s the best we could come up with on such short notice: A very special “Gays Around the World”-themed episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show featured as its guest of honor Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla, the famed Indian prince disowned by his family after outing himself to a shocked nation so anti-gay, they still refuse to speak to those albino Bengal tigers who ran off with Siegfried & Roy a decade ago. Rocking a Punjab-fabulous fuchsia headwrap, Gohil candidly discussed the nitty-gritty of arranged sham marriages, including the Royal Headache that suddenly rendered him impotent on his wedding night. Stumped trick-or-treaters: We believe we’ve found your costume.

• www2.oprah.com