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Guess who needs to readjust her costume?

Always on the lookout for an open bar cultural happening, Defamer PartyWatcher Ann trekked to Costa Mesa for a showing of new works by sculptor Peter Harper (brother of Ben) at the Rico Garcia Fine Art gallery. There, she sampled Danny DeVito’s Clooney-seducing poison of choice–his own brand of Limoncello–while keeping a sharp lookout for many of the “confirmed celebrities” the press release promised would be in attendance. But even without a single Meg Ryan or Cox-Arquette sighting, there was more than enough free liquor and stimulating art on hand to render the journey a success. Ann’s report, and a photo gallery courtesy of photographer Maggie Serrano, follow after the jump.

Authors, artists and socialites mingled at Rico Garcia Fine Art Gallery in Costa Mesa, for Saturday night’s opening of Peter Harper’s Art Exhibit and the California debut of Danny DeVito’s Limoncello. We made a bee-line for the bar (purely for the sake of investigative journalism), anxious to taste the drink responsible for DeVito’s nationally televised hangover. The bartender warned us it had a kick but we didn’t know how much until minutes later, when the room began to spin. We chatted up Peter Harper for a bit and spoke about his brothers–Grammy award winner Ben Harper and author Joel Harper. It was a magical evening, but our pounding hangovers the next morning made us grateful we didn’t have to sit down with Barbara Walters and the girls for a nationally televised chat.

• [Rico Garcia Fine Art]
• [Peter Harper Art]

Click here to watch Nicole Scherzinger’s shiteous new video for her shiteous new single Baby Love.

Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for suspicion of DUI last night. He was stopped for making an illegal U-turn and failed a breathalyzer test. This is the actor’s second DUI since 2004, and he could face jail time, according to TMZ:

In November, 2004, Kiefer was popped for driving with a .22 blood alcohol level, and plead no contest to drunk driving. He was placed on 5 years probation. That means if he’s convicted on this morning’s DUI, he will have violated his probation.
Now here’s where the news gets worse: Guess who the judge was in the 2004 case? That would be Judge Michael Sauer, the guy who threw the book at Paris Hilton for violating her probation.

Alright, Kiefer, buddy, it’s cool. I know how to keep you out of jail. You need to get knocked up. Yep, that’s right. You need to put a bun in that oven. I don’t want to know how, just make it happen. I guarantee you’ll be in prison for no more than 80 minutes. They won’t even lock the cell. So, get cracking, Jack Bauer. I’ve seen you disarm a bomb with your teeth. Defying the basic laws of nature should be a piece of cake. I should say a piece of lactating cake with severe mood swings, but you catch my drift.

Britney Spears stopped at a restaurant in LA so she could use the bathroom, which is something she does basically every other week. I’m pretty sure she’s the only celebrity person in the world who pulls over to use public restrooms. Like actually stops driving on her way home so she can use a toilet a hundred other people have already used that day. I’d say it’s because her bladder is the size of a peanut, but honestly I think that would be her brain. And maybe peanut is a bit too generous. What would you call the absence of a brain? An absence so powerful it dulls any brain that even gets near it. Because that’s what Britney has. In her head. Well that, or a large tomato and a note from God that says, “My bad.”

After his scary Friday afternoon motorcycle accident, George Clooney stepped out in NYC last night for the premiere of Michael Clayton, arm in crutch with his girl Sarah. Broken toes aside, she looked mighty happy to be alongside her man - can’t say I blame her. Along with George’s costars in the movie a slick looking Brad Pitt, an ugh, why Kate Walsh and sexed-up (surprise, surprise) Ellen Barkin all came out. The night was about the movie, but the red carpet was most definitely for asking George about his accident. In typical George fashion he laughed it off with quips and jokes. Here’s more:

“I’m a little dinged up – lots of Neosporin,” Clooney told PEOPLE at the New York event. “I’m definitely not jogging or doing jumping jacks.”

He added that he and Larson are “just resting.”

“You don’t really want to rub or massage parts that are broken or anything,” he said.

It’s good to hear that both George and Sarah are doing better after the accident - it could have been so much worse. Something tells me Sarah will take him up on those massages once she’s feeling a little better.

To see more from the night including Tilda Swinton, Joey Fatone and all the people above just

read more

He was in an unpleasant motorcycle accident on Friday. And by Monday night he was back to work!

Accompanied by his hobbling non-celeb girlfriend, George Clooney attended the premiere of his new film, Michael Clayton, at the Ziegfeld Theater in NYC.

Thankfully he wasn’t seriously injured.

And thankfully his girlfriend loves the attention!

· A blogger goes completely nuts in side-by-siding stills of The Simpsons movie parodies with images from films to which they refer. Just scroll around, as there are too many individual posts to link here. [via BoingBoing]
· Can Lindsay Lohan wreck a home even while in rehab?
· Unsurprisingly, the networks don’t really give a shit if all that screen clutter annoys you.
· A pregnant Nicole Richie in a bikini: Get excited!

Click here to check out Rihanna’s new video for Hate That I Love You featuring Ne-Yo.It’s truly her year!

This is another big smash!

Guess who is taking a stroll in New York?

Here are some more pregnant bikini shots of Nicole Richie in Hawaii with Joel Madden. If you can’t figure out who’s who, Joel Madden is the asshole who’s standing there watching his pregnant girlfriend do all the work and Nicole Richie is, well, the pregnant girlfriend doing all the work. Oh, but don’t feel sorry for her. Joel’s got the hard job. He has to stand there and hold earphones and occasionally shift his weight. If he doesn’t do it then who will? I guess they could hire a guy. But for a job this important you usually can’t trust outside help.

Director John McTiernan, of Die Hard, Predator, and paying Anthony Pellicano to illegally wiretap his Rollerball producing partner fame, was today sentenced to four months in jail after a judge decided not to allow him to withdraw his guilty plea based on his new attorney’s attempted “my client was too jet-lagged/drunk/medicated to know what he was saying when that FBI agent grilled him” defense, according to the LAT:

But with new counsel, McTiernan sought to withdraw his guilty plea on the grounds that he was jet-lagged and under the influence of alcohol and medications when he was questioned by the agent. McTiernan’s attorneys also insisted that their client did not understand the consequences of denying his involvement with Pellicano and that his lie, while serious, did not rise to the level of a crime, and should not have been charged as a felony.

Federal prosecutors, however, argued — and Fischer agreed — that McTiernan was fully aware of the consequences of his actions when he spoke to the FBI a year ago. There was no evidence that he had received inadequate legal advice before hiring new attorneys to strike down his plea, Fischer ruled.

The judge also said that McTiernan’s actions since his guilty plea were not those of a person sorry for his crime and eager to assist the government, as his plea agreement required. To the contrary, she said, McTiernan has taken on the demeanor of someone “still incensed” that he was ever charged in the case.

“He has shown no remorse, just excuses,” the judge said.

Fischer also rejected claims by McTiernan’s attorneys that he has suffered from depression in his life and that his crime did not justify a prison sentence.

“He will certainly not be the only depressed man in custody,” she said.

Perhaps things are not quite as dark as they might initially seem for McTiernan, as his “stunned” legal team has already announced its intentions to appeal; while a higher court will probably agree that he “will certainly not be the only depressed man in custody,” maybe it will cut him some slack by conceding that any career in Hollywood that lasts long enough to tally $600 million in domestic grosses deprives a person of the ability to properly express remorse, as counterproductive feelings of guilt are delegated to assistants with generous “I’m sorry” muffin-basket expense accounts after a director’s first number-one film.

• McTiernan gets 4 months in prison [LAT]

Somebody took some pictures of Vanessa Hudgens with her clothes on. Why someone would do that, I dunno. I guess Vanessa wanted to see what it would be like to try wearing intricately attached pieces of fabric over her body like everyone else. Feels kind of strange, doesn’t it, Vanessa? Feel free to remedy the situation at anytime. Had I been there, she’d be totally nude. Little known fact: my mere presence causes women’s clothes to disappear. Don’t believe me? All you female readers out there, take a look down – Oh! No clothes, huh? Yep, it’s a talent. Some say I’m a living national treasure - like Paul Bunyan, but a bit manlier. Also, I’m not big into giant oxen. I’m more into naked chicks. Call me old-fashioned, I guess.

In a hard-fought exclusive it won over Former Child Actor Reproduction News Weekly , only People can reveal that Family Ties star (let’s all pretend that Celebrity Fit Club never happened, shall we?) Tina Yothers has had a baby. [People]

A scrufftastic Jake GyllenHO enjoyed a lovely brunch with a female companion at Ammo in Hollywood on Saturday.

Said companion is obviously not Reese Witherspoon.

Gyllenspoon have been reported to have split up. Again. For now.

[Image via National Photo Group.]