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Rapper DMX, best remembered for screaming about losing his mind between consistent blasts of a whistle, seems to like killing dogs almost as much as Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. TMZ reports

Maricopa County, Ariz. Sheriff’s Department raided rapper DMX’s home in Cave Creek and removed 12 distressed pit bulls. DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, has a long rap sheet, which includes a guilty plea to animal cruelty charges in 2002. A further search of the property yielded three canine corpses, one of which “seemed to be burned.” Also found — “a large number of weapons, some drug paraphernalia, and a lot of cars that don’t match the license plates.”

Well, there’s something you don’t see every day. A brotha with a stock pile of weapons and a bunch of stolen cars in his backyard. I asked my grandpa for his take on it, and he looked at me and said, “Well, what’d ya expect, dummy? You give ‘em forty acres and a mule and let ‘em vote and it’s bound to happen again.” “Um, what’s bound to happen, Grandpa?” I asked. “Hitch up the wagon, we’re goin’ into town! My pockets are on fire. Tuesday!” So I pressed the button on his morphine drip and paged the nurse to empty his bed pan again.

In case you haven’t already heard it, Ryan Seacrest played Britney Spears’ new single on his 102.7 KIISFM radio show this morning. And yeah, it’s bad. And I don’t mean, “Hey, it’s Britney Spears, let’s say her new song is bad even if it isn’t” bad. I mean, “Hey, this is really bad, how do you turn it off, and also shoot me in the face” bad. You can listen to the new single here and check out the lyrics here:

Everyday, I’m in a daze
Looking for that someone
And everyday, I sit and kneel and pray
Oh, sweet love, can I get some?
So why do you desert me, baby boy?
I need your love right now!
And if you desert me, baby boy
Don’t you leave me in your crowd

Talking
Hey baby, what time you gonna get home?
Oh, really?
[Sigh]
Alright, well, I’ll see you later, then
Oh, wait
Would you mind getting some…
Yeah, when you come home
Yeah, that’s it
I love you too
Bye

[Singing again]
Some day when you see my face
You will think that you have won
And some day when it’s all away
Our love just begun
So why did you desert me, baby boy?
I thought that you, you were the one
So if you preferred the other one
She won’t bring you the sun(son)

Did she put a fake phone conversation in there? Why yes, yes she did. I can’t believe this is actually her big comeback song. After listening to it I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out of my closet and tell me I got Punk’d.

We were a bit worried that P-Nasty was going to be the only gay on MTV’s Celebrity Rap Superstar, premiering next Thursday, August 30th, live at 10 PM.

Thankfully, there will be some more homoliciousness on the show, we’ve just found out.

Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that DaBrat has signed up to be one of the judges on the show and and MC Lyte will be a “mentor” to one of the contestants.

We’re not sure about Lyte, but Brat is a big ol’ carpet muncher.

Hmm. She’s probably not gonna like that we just outed her! Ha.

We don’t care.

We’re coming out blazin’!

Jessica Biel made sure to flash a big old smile leaving Southern Hospitality hand in hand with Justin last night. They are so not completely miserable around each other! Take that, rumor mill! I guess JT is actually in the middle of the Canadian leg of his tour, but it looks like he couldn’t stay away from his family’s home recipes and had to take a detour to NYC. He better get used to Canada, however, because he has just signed on to play a Canuck hockey star in Love Guru with Jessica Alba and Mike Myers.

Source

While we’re sure the 22-page waiver (just posted on the Smoking Gun) the parents and guardians of Kid Nation participants had to sign prior to shipping off their children to 40 fun-filled days in a New Mexico ghost town is nothing more than a boilerplate document that could be used to indemnify the proprietors of any summer camp that intended to film its own amateur production of Lord of the Flies against nuisance lawsuits, scanning the litany of potential disasters lawyers could envision befalling the Nation stars still makes for a pretty good time.

In addition to the staggering variety of mishaps (listed above) that could occur on fun day trips to “inherently dangerous travel areas,” the embattled production also wisely choose to protect itself against the unpredictable aftermath (STDs, pregnancy, HIV, etc) of verboten intimate relationships that might develop between the show’s 8-to-15-year-olds after tossing back too many judgment-impairing drinks at their community’s root beer saloon.

• No Human Rights In “Kid Nation” [TSG]

Now THIS is a great cover!

Realizing what’s hot, People magazine has put Zac Efron (and that chick he’s dating) on the cover of their new issue.

He’s everywhere these days!

Rihanna went for the high-waisted pant and open vest look in London last night. She’s still healing her foot but not afraid to rock that boot so we’re giving her props yet again for making the most of her injury. Hopefully she’ll be able to hobble back to the states for the Teen Choice Awards this Sunday - she’s up for 4 different awards, thanks in part to her Umbrella.

Bauer-Griffin

Jenna Jameson has apparently decided to retire from making porn, and on August 1 she went to a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and had her breast implants removed. Us Magazine has the interview:

On why she had her implants removed
“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”

On how removing the implants changed her
“Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

On how she felt postsurgery
“Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”

On whether she’s done with porn forever
“Yes. A hundred percent.”

On who will play her in a movie about her life
“I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”

Wow, look at that face. I can’t imagine why she would stop making porn. When I close my eyes to fantasize this is basically the only thing I ever picture. And, yeah, maybe I do wake up to the sounds of my own screaming, but that just means it’s working. What’s working, you ask? The sexy, uh, sex stuff. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a grownup thing.

NOTE: While getting her implants removed, I think Jenna Jameson turned to her plastic surgeon and asked him to make her look like a duck. And boy did he deliver. Greatest plastic surgeon of our generation, anybody?

While we’ve always envisioned Sweden as an idyllic place where American actors can go to play a few rounds of golf, throw back some cocktails at the 19th Hole, and then take a leisurely, low-speed joyride through the city without being hassled by The Människa, the news that Bill Murray was pulled over in downtown Stockholm on Sunday for suspicion of drunken golf-cart driving has shattered our cherished illusions about the permissiveness of the Scandinavian nation. A spokesman for the Swedish fuzz remarked on Murray’s refusal to take a Breathalyzer and about the unknown origin of his slow-moving electric vehicle:

“He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,” Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. “So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.” […]

“There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy,” he said.

Holmlund said it wasn’t clear where Murray picked up the vehicle, or to whom it belonged.

“It was a golf cart. How it ended up in this predicament I don’t know,” he said, adding that Murray wasn’t facing any theft charges.

It isn’t illegal to drive a golf cart in city traffic in Sweden, but Holmlund said it is very unusual.

Even if the blood test turns up positive, the officer speculated that Murray will face fines rather than a prison term, and we’re sure their investigation will also eventually turn up the identity of the vehicle’s highly amused owner. But credit the legend with knowing the right way to execute a DUI incident: nothing in the police report indicated that he took any hostages, was chasing a cart containing the terrified mother of a caddy he’d just fired in anger, or that he he claimed to be wearing somebody else’s golf-pants.

• Bill Murray: Drunken driving in a golf cart? [CNN.com]

Guess who is rocking a lighter hair color on set?

Then do not CLICK HERE!

For someone on trial for murder, Clay Aiken Phil Spector sure cares a lot about his hair!

The music vet shows off a new, much darker ‘do in an LA court on Thursday.

He’s gonna make someone’s cute little prison bitch real soon!

· Merv Griffin is probably in Heaven right now, which, let’s face it, is one of the gayest destinations we can think of.
· K-Fed’s subpoena spree spares no one.
· Sophia spreads her legs for art.
· Corey Feldman graciously grants best friend Corey Haim full access to his wife.
· Steven Segal wants the FBI to apologize for ruining a promising career.
· Paris Hilton’s philanthropic makeover might not have been entirely her own idea. Her Kitson clothing line, we strongly suspect, is.
· HBO gives John from Cincinnati just enough artistic rope to hang itself.
· Road Warrior Lindsay Lohan’s quarry sues.
· AOL Teen spends some time building self-esteem.
· “You were both mistakes!” part-time lesbian Britney Spears tells her children.
· Ben Kingsley on Mary-Kate’s feisty face-sucking technique.
· A bulgestastic script delivery boy brightens the day of the city’s studio receptionists. We have pictures!
· So You Think You Can Dance: Way gay.
· A banner year for shitty threequels.
· Jim Carrey’s zero-figure paycheck.
· Everything you didn’t want to know about where Jonathan Silverman bones his wife on Polaroid’s dime.

TMZ has a photo of some pervert trying to take a picture up Paris Hilton’s dress. I mean, there’s a lot of things I can picture myself doing when I meet Paris Hilton, but this isn’t one of them. This isn’t even close to one of them. How do you make the leap in logic from “Hey, there’s Paris Hilton” to “I’m gonna stick a camera up her dress!” This is the kind of guy who sees a hammer and thinks, “You know what I should hit with that? My penis.”

Hmmmm….

That engagement ring that Spencer gave to Heidi on the season premiere of The Hills Monday night looks an awful lot like this ring.

It’s made from “lab grown diamonds.”

Is that another term for fake?

And it retails for a conservative $770.

Good bargain!

Stuff magazine is dead.

The pub will be folded into sister publication Maxim, appearing as merely a “section” in that title going forward.

Stuff and Maxim were recently sold by Dennis Publishing to a private equity firm.

They better not fuck with Blender!!!!