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Sources close to Britney Spears tell us she’s thisclose to flaking on her commitment to appear at the grand opening of LAX at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas on Friday night.

Stay tuned to see if she actually makes it!

Fingers crossed, y’all.

Update: It’s not looking good!

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Guess who is feeling camera shy?

These are a couple days old but it’s Cindy Crawford so, you know, who cares? She still looks amazing for a 41-year-old. I don’t want to start any rumors, but I hear she drinks the blood of newborns to stay youthful. And did I just make that up? Maybe. The only thing we know for sure is that I’m still the reigning champion of the National Sexiest Person Alive Competition. See, because I’m so sexy.

Angelina Jolie took her four children to a Children’s Petting Zoo in Central Park yesterday, and Shiloh made a rare appearance. Although being the daughter of Angelina Jolie it’s not really any surprise she has lips like that. What is surprising, though, is that I read somewhere she can store up to twenty acorns in those cheeks. That’s fact-tastic!

NOTE: When I say I read something somewhere, just assume I mean I had a delirious dream where everybody was human-sized chipmunks. But really, isn’t that basically the same thing?

One more shot of Angelina with Shiloh after the jump.

· Owen Wilson attempts the unthinkable.
· The Hoboken Beach Diet Bandit terrorizes Paradigm.
· 1 out of 1 moms asked love Kid Nation.
· Bruce Cutler abandons Phil Spector.
· Defamer visits the Derby Dolls.
· Miss Teen South Carolina gives what could likely be the worst answer in pageant history.
· Jim Carrey sends one from the heart.
· K-Fed becomes The CW’s new secret weapon.
· 50 Cent becomes Britney’s.
· Cavemen drops the pretense.
· Andy Dick does Andy Dick.
· Big Brother’s Amber goes from Head of Household to head of the free world.
· Posh Spice gets a job.
· Dessarae Bradford plugs her projects.

[Ed. note: We’ll be off Monday, then back Tuesday, when Mark returns. Another huge thank you to guest editor extraordinaire Heather Cocks of Go Fug Yourself. Have a great long weekend everyone. -Seth]

· Owen Wilson attempts the unthinkable.
· The Hoboken Beach Diet Bandit terrorizes Paradigm.
· 1 out of 1 moms asked love Kid Nation.
· Bruce Cutler abandons Phil Spector.
· Defamer visits the Derby Dolls.
· Miss Teen South Carolina gives what could likely be the worst answer in pageant history.
· Jim Carrey sends one from the heart.
· K-Fed becomes The CW’s new secret weapon.
· 50 Cent becomes Britney’s.
· Cavemen drops the pretense.
· Andy Dick does Andy Dick.
· Big Brother’s Amber goes from Head of Household to head of the free world.
· Posh Spice gets a job.
· Dessarae Bradford plugs her projects.

[Ed. note: We’ll be off Monday, then back Tuesday, when Mark returns. Another huge thank you to guest editor extraordinaire Heather Cocks of Go Fug Yourself. Have a great long weekend everyone. -Seth]

· What happens when a Photoshop contest asks entrants to combine half of one celebrity’s face with half of another’s? You likely never sleep again.
· “Club: Andy Dick groped, offended, urinated.” Your point?
· You didn’t think we’d let you get away for your long weekend without letting you know what Chad Michael Murray thought about K-Fed, did you? He likes him!
· Fine, so maybe Terrence Howard has some strange preoccupation with feminine hygiene and baby wipes. He also saved a Los Angeles magazine reporter from choking to death on a piece of sushi with the Heimlich maneuver. (But then insisted she dispose of the offending Unagi morsel with a hermetically sealed Wet-Nap.)
· There’s something bothering us about Hillary Clinton and we just can’t put our fingers on it.

Well, not really, but Miz Von Teese did rock this blond wig in a photo shoot for an upcoming issue of Mexico City’s Spot magazine.

She is still a raven-haired beauty in real life, though, but we’d love to see her a ginger!

[Image by Mike Ruiz.]

This summer may have felt a little slow as far as celebrity gossip is concerned, but looking back we realize that the last few months weren’t without some fun goodies and a few juicy stories. With Labor Day upon us and the feeling that summer is coming to a close, we want to know - what was your favorite summer celebrity story?

Cameron Diaz celebrated her 35th birthday yesterday on the set of her new movie What Happens in Vegas. Wait, she’s 35? It kind of makes me wonder if all those young dudes she’s been with are really dating her, or helping her cross the street. I’m not saying Cameron Diaz is old, I’m just saying she’s not getting any younger. Or, let’s be honest, more attractive. But, hey, at least she’s finding work. Wait, what’s that? Ashton Kutcher is in it? Jesus! That’s terrible! I mean, uh, Happy Birthday?

Fun Fact: When not chewing food or speaking, Cameron Diaz’s mouth is occasionally rented out to host large parties and weddings.

Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they’re every bit as bad as you’d expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby”

Other sources are saying the lyrics are:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby”

You can listen for yourself here, but either way it’s bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they squeezed Britney until they got her voice as high up as it is, and then pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney’s next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:

“It’s Britney, bitch”

Ooh, sassy. I don’t know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she’s got a lot of attitude. Man, I bet she also smokes and wears sunglasses indoors. She’s so cool.

NOTE: Just to be complete, here’s her third leaked song. Although it’s the same one I posted a couple weeks ago and still just as bad.

· In roughly the amount of time it took for her to record a decent take of this, Britney Spears made $737,868.
· Some guy from Missouri took off all his clothes in a convenience store to distract the cashier while his friend stole beer. There’s a word for that kind of criminal: Probably gay.
· Author Pete Hamill noticed an uncomfortable amount of similarities between his 2002 book Forever, and new Fox drama New Amsterdam, but seems to know better than try to take the network on, lest he find himself abducted in the dead of night and used as human game on Rupert Murdoch’s private safari hunting resort.
· Gasp! What’s Jake Gyllenhaal doing on the Unabridged Hollywood Herpes Tree?
· To paraphrase another Avenue Q song: There’s a fine, fine line, Larry Craig. [via Towleroad]

Things are not looking good for Britney Spears. Larry Rudolph, Britney’s ex-manager, spoke to Ryan Seacrest this morning and said he does not want to testify in the custody hearing for fear of what he might reveal. People reports:

“He said he’s doing his best to hide from Kevin’s process server,” Ryan Seacrest, who was in contact with Rudolph over the weekend, said Monday on his KIIS-FM radio show. “He’s actually on the run. They are trying to track him down and serve him with a subpoena and they want him to appear and testify in the custody battle.” Rudolph, who was relieved of his managerial duties by Spears earlier this year, “doesn’t want to be served because he said it won’t be good for Britney,” said Seacrest. “After all they have been through he is still loyal to her, and he doesn’t want to have to go under oath and talk about certain things that might hurt her.” Regarding his whereabouts, Rudolph would only reveal is that he is with his children. Furthermore, said Seacrest, the former manager wants it publicly known that he is avoiding being served the subpoena.

Pile this on top of the child abuse investigation and it definitely looks like Kevin Federline will win custody of the children. Not that there was any doubt. Any rational person with an IQ above, I dunno, five, had this figured out. I ran into a two-year-old the other day who looked at me and said, “Britney bad mommy.” Then the kid ate a pebble.

More from Andy Dick’s wild weeking in Columbus.

Drunken public urination? That’s hot!

CLICK HERE to see the uncensored photo of Dick’s dick.

• Paul Rudd is as cute as ever in Interview magazine - Golden Fiddle
• What was Larry Birkhead doing at Teen Choice? Seat Filler!! - D-Listed
• Linda Hogan makes a statement about Nick’s accident - TMZ
• OMG Check out Lindsay’s sex scene! - Egotastic
• Kylie Minogue is good to her fans - Pink is the New Blog
• Wentworth steps out with his friend Luke - Just Jared
• Creepy celebrity clowns - cityrag
• Jessica Alba is mathematically sexy - Hollywood Tuna
• More of Hayden in FHM - Hollywood Rag
• Vintage Nicole Richie - IDLYITW
• Check out more of Kate Moss’ Topshop Collection - FabSugar