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I bet you thought you'd go your entire life without ever having to see Diddy take a howling piss and compare it to having sex. Well you thought wrong, my friend. You thought ass wrong. I'm not familiar with DiddyTV but apparently it chronicles the life of Diddy's bathroom antics. I can only hope his next episode features him getting into some mixed up shenanigans with the toilet. Because with that kind of quality content who needs Project Runway?

Here's the third and final installment in our Dina Lohan trilogy. Enjoy!



[Thanks to our partner in crime, Crazybaby.]

Brody Jenner and Nicole Richie are conjoined at the hip these days! And, it's great to see our pal Bro being such a good influence on Nicole. They recently stopped to get some ice cream in Malibu. Keep it up!

[Images via X17 Online.]

The National Enquirer was the first to break the news of John Mayer's courtship of Jessica Simpson.

We were a tad skeptical. However, when Simpson revealed during a radio interview in Texas recently that she had already heard Mayer's new album, we got all crazy in love and rang the alarm in our overactive brain.

Mayer's new album is not out until next month, but Simpson's already gotten a preview of the disc as she's shared many romantic (and private) dates with the troubadour.

Now, Us Weekly is reporting in their new issue (out this week) that Simpson has exclusively revealed [her fondness of Mayer] to the magazine.

Sources tell PerezHilton.com that Simpson gave a statement to Us Weekly not denying the relationship and saying that Mayer was great and that she wanted to "keep it private" (read between the lines).

We guess they probably won't make their affair public at the MTV VMAs this Thursday!

The Disney Channel's The Cheetah Girls 2 premiered on Friday to record numbers!

Seriously, is there nothing else to watch on television?

7.8 million total viewers tuned in; more than any program on TV that day.

The Cheetah Girls 2 even drew in more viewers than Disney's much-hyped High School Musical, a crossover success that garnered 7.7 million viewers in January.

Congrats Raven! Work it out in your sexy plus-sized suit, girlfriend!

"I was made to feel like I was a fat kid by Michael. [He called me 'Fat Butt.'] It really affected me, even as an adult."

- Janet Jackson

There's been the non-stop baby talk for a while now! But, Nicole Kidman definitely showed off a sizable bump in her belly while on vacation with her mom and pop this past weekend in Vancouver.

Thank God!!

Not to be mean, but we were really starting to get concerned that there may have been some developmental issues with Tater Tot.

You know, he was dropped on the head and who knows how much second-hand marijuana smoke or what else he may have been exposed to while Britney was pregnant or after his birth.

But, thankfully, little Tater is now speaking!

Find out his first word....after the jump.

Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner got really close and chummy as they speak to a group of sea men. The actors appear in the new military drama The Guardsmen, and on Monday they spoke to a group of Coast Guardsmen in Alameda, California. Don't ask, don't tell!

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen just paid a visit to our friends at Much On Demand yesterday. And, the Gossip Gangstar himself is going back to Canada!!!

The Queen of All Media is headed back up North next week for the Toronto Film Festival, and we can't wait.

Perezzle will be in Tdot from Friday morning, September 8th, until Tuesday night, September 12th. And, if we're lucky, we may run into Brad Pitt, who is promoting his new movie, Babel. We would die!

We hope to see you out and about. We love Canada!

Perez was just honored by Next Magazine in NYC with the "Media Whore of the Year" award, beating out Amanda Lepore, Paris Hilton and Madonna. Great company! And, in keeping with our title, Pretzel is gonna be pimpin' it in Canada. If you'd like to book Perez for your TV show or radio program or for a print or online interview while he is in Toronto, email Perez@PerezHilton.com. Thanksss!

Kid Rock doesn’t mind that Pamela Anderson __________.

Just in case you completely lost faith in humanity, Paris Hilton's album Paris is reportedly a raging flop. So far it's sold only 75,000 copies in its first week compared to Christina Aguilera's 320,000, and projected sales for next week are 30,000 - which is a larger than normal second week drop.

"The international outlook is not much better for her," one industry source told Page Six. "The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can't back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can't sing live." The source added that Hilton was advised a year ago to train her voice, work with choreographers and learn an instrument to prepare for a limited tour, but "obviously she didn't listen." Hilton's rep, Elliot Mintz, said, "To me, [the album] sounds huge. For a newcomer, this is incredibly impressive."

I'm glad Paris Hilton's CD is failing, but 75,000 still seems like 74,996 sales too many. This isn't like Joey Fatone releasing a solo album because at least he's technically a singer. This is Paris Hilton we're talking about. Paris Hilton. My butcher is more qualified to record an album than she is. And he was born without a mouth.

Britney Spears has reportedly registered online at Petit Tresor for thousands of dollars worth of baby gifts, including a $1,200 chandelier for her new baby's room.

"Oh, it's not a fake, she's having a baby shower soon and has told friends that they can order gifts from the site," a source tells the Scoop, adding, "It's not like she's expecting her friends to buy everything for the baby. She's already spent like $30,000 at the store." And the accessories and furniture strongly suggest that, as rumored, Spears is expecting a girl: although the chandelier features little airplanes, there's a preponderance of pink and frilly goodies among the merchandise.

I was thinking of buying my baby a $1,200 chandelier too but then I realized I'd rather just tape some lightbulbs together and spend the other $1,190 on something more useful. Although I can't even imagine would could be more useful than a chandelier for a baby. Maybe a Segway for the potted plant? Some speakers for the fridge? And just for the heck of it, here are some shots of Britney Spears shopping at Intuition in Los Angeles posing like a goofball with some baby clothes. They're simultaneously totally relevant and totally irrelevant at the same time. A ton more after the jump.

I realize I did a pretty piss poor job of posting the Emmy pictures but I figure a shot of Jennifer Love Hewitt looking like she's really capable of giving birth should redeem myself. Unless you're not into really wide birthing hips. In which case these pictures are just frightening and confusing. And let this be a physics lesson to all: the greater the mass the greater the gravitational pull. Because my eyes used to go straight for her chest, but now they're being pulled right to her waist. Fortunately my imaginary squeezing hands aren't affected by pesky things like science.

TMZ has a great video of Tara Reid being denied entry to Hyde and then moments later having her former best friend Paris Hilton waltz by with Kim Kardashian and go straight in. It's almost sad. Like watching Gary Coleman try to buy a TV only to find out his credit card is maxed out. Only it's not a TV. It's a hamburger.