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A-Rod adjusts his bat. Go Yankees!

Despite "losing her voice" and canceling a ton of promotional appearances, Jessica Simpson somehow managed to muster up enough energy to hang out with the guys from Jackass until her eyes were bloodshot. And although her new boyfriend wasn't there, her always present and always visible hairstylist was. He's become sort of like a Where's Waldo to me. Where I'll glance around at every picture of Jessica Simpson and see if he's there. Sometimes he'll be in the most unexpected places, like hiding behind a bush. Or riding a ferris wheel. And sometimes on the last page he'll be walking among hundreds of other identical hairstylists wearing the exact same clothes but without his signature hat. More of Jessica looking like she had a rough night with the Jackass guys after the jump, including some more sideboobery action.

The lameass artist that brought us this is making another grab for attention by "shocking" the world with his latest masterpiece: a bronze sculpture inspired by Suri Cruise's first poop. The work will go on display today, but won't actually contain any of Suri Cruise's poop.

"Babies mostly breastfeed for the first four months, so a baby's first meal of solid food may be a baby's first meal at the dinner table," said David Kesting, the director of Capla Kesting Fine Art, located in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district. "A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family." "It's partially a statement on modern media that 'celebrity poop' has more entertainment value than health, famine or other critical issues facing society and governments today," the Capla crew said in a statement, "and also the absurdity of the media coverage on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' new baby, Suri Cruise, which has reached stellar proportions, eclipsing far more notable events with more substance."

I'm all for poking fun at the media coverage surounding Suri Cruise, but I still find it slightly less offensive than the media coverage surrounding this. Maybe if the artist didn't have a history of putting together ridiculous celebrity art. Or have me totally convinced he's a publicity whore. No doubt within the next couple months this guy is going to announce a statue inspired by all of Paris Hilton's vaginal diseases. Ooh, so shocking. Pay attention to this guy, he's a real shocker.

The highest compliment an artist can get is when another musician covers your song while it's still hot!

Nelly Furtado recently did just that with her acoustic cover of Gnarls Brakley's Crazy.

Now, 50 Cent is taking a stab at Fergie's London Bridge.

"You know every time you come around....coming, coming, coming in your mouth!!"

YES, this jam is tight!!!

We love the original, and this reworking is just geniusity.

You must check it out!

Michelle Rodriguez is femme-ing it up these days. The drunk driving actress strolled along the streets of LA earlier this week with her girlfriend. Work it!

Paris Hilton was spotted leaving a hospital on Monday, presumably to treat either a) the several strains of STD's she's contracted from men b) the several strains of STD's she's contracted from her pet kinkajou or c) explosive diarrhea. And only Paris Hilton would try to pull off walking out of a doctor's office like she was walking out of a club. She could be shoveling feces and she'd still play it off like all the cool kids are doing it. More of Paris trying desperately to look hot while leaving the hospital after the jump.

Perez was not the only diva who attended the SWAG suites on Tuesday. Lance & Reichen also hit up the Style Villa, and Big Gay Al was there too!

However, sources tell us that Star Jones' husband was being "difficult" and initially refused to have his picture taken.

Queen, get over yourself!

You're getting free shit. You need to earn it!

[Images for use on PerezHilton.com courtesy of the vageinous Sara Jay Weiss.]

Travis Barker is getting back to work and reteaming with his former Blink 182 bandmate Mark Hoppus to form the new band (+44), named after the international dialing prefix for the U.K.

Travis and Mark will release their debut album as (+44), When Your Heart Stops Beating, in November via Interscope.

The boys infamously had a falling out with fellow Blink 182 colleague Tom DeLonge, who is now fronting the band Angels & Airwaves and who the other boys accused of being too controlling.

"Mark and I have a natural chemistry after playing together for so long and it's only gotten stronger," Barker said in a statement.

The band will make their performance debut next month in Europe and will hit the U.S. in October.

Fun times!

People magazine reports that Jessica Simpson is dating John Mayer despite the scientific evidence suggesting he may, in fact, be the ugliest man on Earth.

"She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells People. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."

I can't tell if this is worse than James Blunt dating Petra Nemcova. They're both anomalies of nature, but I fear this time God has gone too far. He might as well start mating horses with rhinoceroses. Although that might actually be kind of cool because their offspring would probably be unicorns. And just cause, here's Jessica Simpson at the release party of her new album yesterday, where she lost her voice and had to postpone a TV appearance.

Frankly, we don't think Katie looked all that shiteous before the retouching.

Here's one instance where hiring Mariah's retoucher is not a good thing!

"I'm totally happy [now]. I'm like a completely different person. It just sucks with all the lies you have to tell, especially being in the business. Now it's like, 'Wow, I don't have to tell any lies to get jobs, so it's cool. Personally, nothing has changed. I have the same friends. I have the same family. I think, business-wise, it's been crazy, because everyone is paying attention to what I'm doing now. Everyone's been very supportive."

- Princess Frostylocks

Liar, liar, pants on fire!!!

It's hard to proclaim your innocence when both People and Us Weekly are saying that you put your hand in the cookie jar, but that's exactly what Owen Wilson is doing.

Despite many reports that he and former co-star Kate Hudson have been hooking up, Wilson is speaking out and distancing himself from Goldie Hawn's daughter.

"I'm single despite what people say," says Wilson. "I think hopefully that I'll meet someone that I'll want to have a family with, that's what I would like."

Oh, stop fronting Owen!

Just play on player!!!

We were really curious to see what this whole Cheetah Girls 2 madness was all about, so we checked out this clip and all we have to say is "Retardon't!"

Imagine the Spice Girls movie, only less campy and with shittier songs.

Call us a masochist, but for some reason, we kinda loved it!

The Cheetah Girls 2 is something Whitney Houston would totally watch after she smoked a lot of crack and was trying to come down. We bet she'd love to get one of her dildos in that Ravenous Symone!

Whitney loves her some lesbian sex romps, as we all know and love.

Click here to see the girls from the Disney channel TV movie performing "Amigas Chicas."

Vageinous!

Has really great taste!

Lindsay Morgan Lohan showed off a rich, darker, new hair color while going out for a coffee run with her boyfriend, Harry Morton, in Los Angeles - earlier this week.

It just occurred to us: we have yet to nickname these two!

What should we call Lindsay and Harry????

Leave your suggestions….after the jump!